Having a baby on my own

[EllieC]

Hi all, 27 year old woman here

Earlier this year I suddenly decided I wanted to have a baby. I'm not exaggerating by saying 'suddenly', I visited a friend in hospital after she gave birth and met her new little one, and in the space of that afternoon went from not really having any interest to desperately wanting to become a mum. Several months later this feeling has gotten stronger if anything. I think about being pregnant, the excitement of waiting to welcome a new life into the world, getting to hold my baby for the first time, looking at them and being so in love with them and proud of them.

The catch is that I'm not currently in a relationship. I haven't been for a couple of years now, in fact. So there's no obvious candidate for a father. At my age it's not like my biological clock is running down, so I know that I could wait, see if I meet somebody I want to take that step with in the coming years, and look at other options if that doesn't pan out in time.

I don't know if I want to wait that long though? It's just a really powerful longing I have. It's 2018, there are medical options like donor sperm for women who want to have a child and don't have a partner. I wonder though if I would be missing out on the opportunity to share that joy with someone I love? And whether my child might feel like there's something missing because they don't have a father - not just no father in their life, but not even a father than I could name or tell them anything about?

Anyway, I know that in the end this is a decision I have to make for myself, but I'm wondering if anybody has any input... has anybody gone the route of having a baby on your own, or waited for a partner and been glad you did, or grown up not knowing anything about one of your parents and felt like it negatively affected you? Any thoughts in general about becoming a parent or the desire to have a child (or lack thereof, if thats the case for you)?

Any thoughts appreciated

Ellie

[White_Rose]

Thanks Ellie

As Quirky has said, writing is more difficult than talking but now we do understand each other it's great.

Please feel free to continue posting if it helps. I hope all goes well in your life.

Mary

[Star_Jasmine]

Hey Ellie,

Just wanted to mention I watched an episode of Insight on SBS a while ago about solo parents which was discussing exactly about what you are talking about. Google 'Solo Parents Insight'. I am sure it'd be interesting for you to watch given you can hear from people who've actually been through it.

Personally I have two kids and I really don't think I could do it without my husband. Having said that, he is a big help, not all fathers are! I have so much respect for single mums.

All the best with your decision!

💮

[SueIsBlue]

Hi Ellie,

There is a condition that nuns call Pram-ache, that very biological yearning for a child. I used to cry after ovulation, knowing each passing cycle was an egg that never became a life. It made me think of the hens that provide our food...I wondered if they suffered that same very real sense of loss.

In my opinion, you should pursue your options for donor sperm. The ache won’t leave you, the rational mind will try to push it away, but the yearning will remain, the animal physical part of you won’t be subdued.

You seem a very sensible, caring and considerate person, well aware of the realities, not just the cuteness. Don’t let the selfishness of others stop you from being all that you want to be...and by that I mean if all the men you date won’t embrace the chance for something wonderful in being a parent, then you have every right and inner strength to be a wonderful mother.

I think any baby would be lucky to have such a wonderful thoughtful mother as you. Go in with your eyes wide open and live your fullest life, you deserve to experience your body and all it can do. Love your child and be the brave woman you are.

I wish you all the love and happiness.