Feeling like a burden and causing a communication breakdown

[patrick_]

I have bad depression and quit my 10+ year career to work on my mental health, i met my current girlfriend toward the beginning of that period and she had some personal issues and some financial barriers to starting her business which I paid for and she promised she would support me through my recovery when her business was up and running. Now we are in this position and i have run out of all my life savings and reliant on her income (i start a casual job next week) i now cant handle any negative talk about money, my brain just completely shuts down if there's a money issue and I cant function, I come off as cold and grumpy and mean. Tonight she said she was stressed about money and I said I cant talk about it right now because it made me feel like my head was going to pop off. This intern makes her feel like she cant vent about anything to me and all the responsibility is on her i of course feel terrible because i feel like my depression has sapped so much energy i cant concentrate on seeing the reality of the situation. This causes big arguments because i feel like im being attacked for putting us into this situation even though shes just trying to just vent to me. I react in a way thats super defensive and like someone whos being accused of something.  we now are sleeping in seperate rooms after tonights argument and not sure if she even wants to keep trying anymore because she said supporting me through this is too much for her now. im so tired of not feeling like myself and the longer it goes the more not myself i become. im even more tired of making her feel sad.  i dont really have enough money to go to therapy anymore and i feel like dying cause ive just made mistake after mistake and i need a reset, whatever that is. dying on purpose takes alot of energy and i have none so i dont think i will. i wish i knew how to have the energy to fix myself   

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome,

I am so sorry to hear about the challenges you're going through right now. It takes a lot of courage to prioritize your mental health and leave a career behind to focus on yourself. It sounds like you're in a tough spot financially and emotionally, and it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

It's important to remember that your mental health comes first and that healing takes time. It's okay to feel like you need a reset, and please know that you're not alone in feeling this way. It's also understandable that you're struggling to handle discussions about money right now, given the current situation.

If you permit me to make a suggestion...

It's important to communicate openly and honestly with your girlfriend about how you're feeling and what you need from her. It's okay to set boundaries and communicate your limitations, but it's also important to listen to her and validate her concerns.

On getting therapy. Have you considered contacting someone like Anglicare ot similar. They believe everyone shouild be able to access mental health services regardless of your financial situation. There may also be other low-cost or free options available in some areas, and online therapy is also an option. Your mental health is worth investing in, and there's no shame in seeking help.

Please know that you are not a mistake, and you deserve love and support as you work towards healing. It's okay to take things one step at a time, and remember that progress is not always linear. You are strong...