Feeling alone and unloved

[Huggybear]

I lost my job and home 2 yrs ago. I was on my own for 10yrs from a divorce. It was the family home of 35yrs. I had packed it all up and done some minor renovations before the sale! I wasnt coping with the job loss initially and the home just added to the stress. I reached out to my daughter who is married and I was the main carer for the grandkids for over 10 yrs. All i did was send a text saying I couldnt do it and wasnt coping well! Her reply was a text and not what I expected under the circumstances, her attitude was.. I cant do everything for you!!!! But up until then I had been doing everything myself, so i was taken back with that comment, I started to shut down as I became angry! ended the messaging and soldered on. I was expecting or maybe hoping I would get a call or see her but nothing from that day until 4 months after I sold the house. Nobody knew where I had moved to or any circumstances around that! I couldn't believe how I deserved such disrespect! or even the lack of concern from her if I had a roof over my head!!!!! It has now been two years since, I have seen nor heard from anybody, I miss my grandchildren very much, I walk around all day in a daze from not understanding what the hell did I do!!!!

[Huggybear]

Hey Juliet

Please forgive my late reply

You sound like an amazing lady, with a wonderful mindset to have achieved what you have.

I had shut down a little the last couple of weeks, I have medication for my anxiety days, but dont take them everyday

just when I feel pretty down. For me before the emergency operation they had asked me if I wanted to speak to my adult children ( who are married), I have not seen them for many years, I just went numb! then decided not to call them. I honesty believe in my heart they would not have cared but would act for duty. Having no contact from them at anytime when I was well I thought why bother now. They have never bothered with their father either. We were not living in a high end suburb or were upper class for them. They were spoilt, self centred, and had no respect for their parents. I had a mother that was physically abusive when I was a child, and as she did it would tell me she hated me!!! ( this is the honest truth) I made a promise never to be that type of mother to my 2 kids, and ended up not being good enough anyway!

The amount of heartache, trauma, anxiety and toxic people have exhausted my emotions to no end. I was given a psycologist in the hospital to talk to, but as you said and have proven, is that I need to change the way I think and do things and put myself first.

Last week I actually joined the golf club near home, never played before, but they are helping me learn the game, and have been so supportive it has been lovely.

One of the ladies even took me for a coffee after our training, I was so taken back by her caring attitude I actually started crying, we talked about different things and had a lovely time. It has been the first time out of the house since opp and I was very nervous but pushed myself to do it, and have committed to every Wednesday morning. My doctor is sending me for another test this week with a specialist, I just keep my fingers crossed there is nothing else wrong with me, but I am going to do the very best I can to push on and enjoy as best as I can whatever years I have left. I would love to have a holiday somewhere, so I will make that a goal!!

You maintain your positive attitude, you are amazing!!

stay safe

lisa

[Juliet_84]

Lisa,

You are too kind. I feel the exact same way about you, reading your reply has inspired me so much!! I’m so proud of you for signing up for golf, and I’m so glad that the ladies were so welcoming and nice!! Particularly the woman who took you for coffee afterwards, she sounds lovely 🙂

It’s funny isn’t it, but you never really consider yourself to be strong or brave. I have always considered myself rather weak and certainly neither of these things. But we have both been through so much and we may have been knocked down a few (or many!) times but we have gotten back up and we haven’t let these things get the best of us, so I think we are both survivors 🙂

I am sorry that your children have grown up to be the way they are, I can not imagine how incredibly hurtful that must be for you. But the sad fact is that we cannot control anyone but ourselves. If that is who they choose to be then that is their choice. But you also have a right to choose the type of energy that you will have in your life and surround yourself with. Like you, I grew up with an abusive mother and then was in a domestic violence relationship for many years (no coincidence I’m sure!). And so I was often denied my feelings or told that it was all in my head even though I knew deep down that things were drastically wrong. And so I’ve learnt to shut out that feeling of “what I should do”, forgive, keep family relationships, etc which is often a societal pressure/expectation, and just listen to how I feel. If people cause me anxiety or disturb my peace, then I don’t owe them any explanations. Sometimes you need to make space for good people to come into your life. If you surround yourself with negative people/energy, then it’s no surprise that you will feel terrible. I think after all we’ve been through we deserve to heal and to have people in our life who help us with that and care about us. And a persons character determines that, not how long you’ve known a person or even their blood relation to you sadly. I think a holiday sounds like a lovely idea 🙂 🙂 🙂 I honestly wish you all the best in your healing journey, and I hope you’ll keep checking in here too 🙂