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Feel like I've got no one to talk to about my ideas

Community Member

I get it. We all have our own priorities, commitments and schedules in life. I do too as well.

I've been exercising, eating well, reading and meditating to develop a positive, resilient mindset. I'm striving to cultivate a disciplined, purposeful life.

But one thing I seem to have a problem with is finding time to talk with my few chosen friends. I have few friends because I like to see them more as mentors and role models than leisure friendships. I'd like to learn from them and keep myself accountable on what I do. But them being few, they are often busy with their own commitments. That I have no problem with.

More than that, I'm not really into "usual" mates or friends' night out. I'd rather go to restaurants, cinemas, museums or libraries than bars or nightclubs to hang out with people. I prefer these places than bars or nightclubs even though I can make it there. What really gets me going is talking about deep, meaningful conversations often centred around philosophy, spirituality, politics, culture and history. I feel like no one will get me if I start talking about Plato, Marcus Aurelius, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard or Solzhenitsyn. These topics are genuinely my own interests, and I don't see myself being "more intelligent" or "intellectual" than other people.

Surely, it won't hurt to make a catch-up with at least one person once a week? I'm an introvert, a misanthrope. I have self - respect and understand that some people do their own thing. I'm alone, not lonely. I value human interactions and relationships, just not on a superficial level.

I don't think I'll be needing help in making this post. Perhaps your own perspectives and insights so that I may see this "issue" of mine in a different light?

2 Replies 2

Community Member


Thanks for the post and welcome to the forum. I think you have a really interesting predicament.

Although I'm an extravert, I definitely resonated with what you said about needing to have people to talk about 'bigger things', rather than just rehashing the same old things/going to clubs and getting drunk.

I wonder if you can think of any organisations/institutes near you where people might have philosophy/intellectual groups? Although these things might feel overwhelming or pointless at the start, you might want to think of them as an investment for finding an engaging friend.There are public groups, or groups in universities. There is also public lectures run by a lot of universities in which you might find a like minded person. Just be aware that finding someone can take time and persistence especially if you're busy. It can also pay off to open up to new types of people and activities, as these can often bring new perspectives that we haven't even considered. I also wonder if you have posed a weekly catch up to any of your mentor/friends? Although they might be busy, sometimes when things are scheduled in they can be more approachable.

A final note is not advice at all, but just a podcast you might know/enjoy from a modern philosopher called Sam Harris. He's not for everyone, but it did help me open my mind to new ways of thinking about modern problems. His podcast is Making Sense.

Feel free to jump back on here with your thoughts.


white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

Alana has made some good points.

I think your topics of interest reflects your need for a certain sort of person to be friends with. Sure you can have these other friends that do the clubbing thing but - that's them, and you are you.

Many people have told me over the years "you're too serious, loosen up, have fun, don't be so uptight..." Until one day I kind of exploded and defended myself for being me. I detest being a sheep. I do most things out of the square which can be hugely successful or can be me trying to re-invent the wheel so it flops. That is a fine example because it taught me that it's fine inventing and building a new model airplane design but for aircraft to fly the principles of things like "lift" don't change, no lift and it will crash. That meant pulling back with concepts into the circle of what is proven.

That is relevant to you because IMO it would be advantageous for you to pull back a little on your focus on your interests only to include some flexibility in order to harness friendships. This might mean considering all offers...knock back the nightclubs for example but accept the café get togethers because 8 out of ten times you attend will include small talk but two times will present new people of which like stimulating chat. Such mixing in can present a possible future partner or friendships.

I've rambled a bit. Anyway thanks for coming here. Repost anytime or commence another thread on specific topics or use search.