Feel all lonely

[Cs2h]

A little bit of story on me: i had 2 miscarriage before falling pregnant with my now 16months old daughter A. Because of the 2miscarriage I didn't enjoy my 3rd pregnancy as i was always scared of having a 3rd miscarriage. Once A was born I didn't get the mother daughter bond i wanted and instead of my husband family supporting me and try to make me enjoy motherhood they actually made me fall into depression. When my SILS & BIL came to the hospital the day A was born not one of them congratulate us they went straight to see A and saying how perfect she was and they didn't even ask me "how was i doing" for 16months they have never asked me "how i'm feeling". We have asked all the close relatives to do the whooping cough vaccine and my MIL has refused to do it because in her time there was no such things as whooping cough and for her doing this vaccine was kind of affecting her pride as a person. So i've asked her kindly to not put the baby too close to her face and definitely not to kiss her and because I've asked her to do that, i've got my SIL telling me that i'm disrespectful towards her mum and that the house i'm living is not my house and the room I'm using is not my room and that my MIL has raised 6kids so she knows what she's doing and what she's saying. Also my MIL wanted us to make a big party for the 1 month of our daughter but I refused because she didn't had her first set of injection and having strangers coming to see her, hold her and possibly kiss her was just a no for me. Again my SIL saw this as me being disrespectful because my MIL couldn't show her first grandchild to all of "her" friends. From there on my SIL has just completely make me feel invisible and that only A, my husband and my In laws was important in her life. So she would greet A with a big smile while i don't get a simple "hi" every decision that i made would be questioned and will always have my SIL having to put her input on it. Or if my in laws were to say something to us we wouldn't be allow to respond back because they took it as a sign of disrespect. An example, my FIL was teaching our daughter to slap the dog and my husband have kindly asked him not to do that but my SIL would say "why you telling dad off?" My MIL have call her grandchild "stupid and selfish" she have said that she will be ashamed of her if she couldn't speak their native language. I don't understand how people can act that way as if they don't understand my feeling!

[BballJ]

Hi Cs2h,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. I will say congratulations on the baby and I do hope you are doing better.

I am sorry to read what you are going through, it seems like your in law family are really giving you a hard time for a reason I do not know. I know how important the whopping couch injection is these days and I can understand and appreciate you not wanting your baby exposed to any risk especially after 2 miscarriages so I do not think for a second out of line to reject those people from handling your baby too much. It is never easy to deal with a tough in law family and I feel it is your husband place to step in and tell them to give you some space and also show a little respect. I think partly you have to control what you can control and that is your babies well being and continue being a great mother. Is it possible to sit down and try to resolve this with everyone in a manner where it won't get nasty, just talking it out?

May I ask too, have you ever spoken to your GP or a psychologist about your depression? I just want to make sure you have addressed it, that is all.

My best for you,

Jay

[Cs2h]

Hi Jay, thank you for your message. I'm feeling better now because me and my husband have agreed on me returning back to my home country with our daughter for 8months, so i could relax and be with my family. Those 8 months are nearly over and I won't hide I'm dreading the return back home. Yes i've talk to my husband and explain to him that it is his role as a husband to support me and to be defending me when his family treat me as such, but unfortunately my husband isn't the type that like confrontation and he doesn't trust himself in winning any argument so most of the time he doesn't even see how his family are treating me until i point it out but then its too late. I have tried many times talking to his sister and it always end up in a bigger argument they simply do not understand how i'm feeling they still believe that i'm the only one in the wrong. Each time i give my opinion they perceive it as me disobeying them and me being disrespectful towards them but they are allow to question my parenting skill and i'm not allow to respond back. I even try to write to them instead of talking thinking that they might understand writing better than talking and i still got negative respond back which have made me want to give up trying but my husband still keep trying on persuading me to give them another chance and to forgive them because he doesn't want this to create a bigger problem with his parents. So each time my husband asked me to give them a chance i just feel betrayed by him that he is trying to put his parents and siblings first rather than putting his wife and daughter first. So i'm just at a point where i can not even talk to my husband about it because i feel like he just doesn't understand me at all and what i'm going through. I haven't seen a psychologist but i'm planning on seeing one once i'm back to Australia. Thank you for your message it does make me feel better that someone does think there is something wrong in the way they are treating me and i'm not just paranoid like certain people are thinking.

[BballJ]

Hi Cs2h,

It is a very tough on to give advice on I must admit because in reality the situation as you are describing sounds like you are trying everything to make it work and some people are just stubborn and will not come around and see your point of view. All you can do is look out for yourself, your husband and your baby. That is all that you can control and I think focusing on what you can control is the most important and seeing a psychologist when you get back hopefully will start to help you feel a little bit better.

My best,

Jay