Father troubles

LostPigeon407 · ‎02-02-2024

I hate my Baby Boomer father, His vain and sits behind the T.V., He never cared about his kids needs, happiness, success. He never praised or encouraged anyone, He never was affectionate or socially involved in our lives. He would on rarer times use his physique and extroverted social difference to intimidate us into silence to retain authority. He has maybe mild hostile possibilities if we would persist. He used to tell my mother that it was good that we fell over at primary school, He has misogyn & sexism and in ways he views his wife to be a house maid. He is arrogant & ignorant and can't be informed about anything by his immediate family, He has controlling tendencies. He admitted to me in the 1980's he would go looking around to bash homosexuals and he used to claim to be a sharpie. He uses my mental health diagnosis against me, to say that I am disabled or mental and when we argue he tells me to either leave home or that he would ring the police to get me admitted into a hospital, even though he provokes my anger when he sais I'm weak, useless or inept. He has a hegemonic concept to perceive sensitivity and emotional intelligence as being soft. I can't even manage my diabetes because he is in the background looking over me and he tells to not burn the house down when I'm going to cook instant noodles on the stove. His always tried to treat in ways that your a child and never more than 12 or 14 mentally. He makes us to be dumb for not knowing things, He never taught us anything in life, because it's effort, He wouldn't as he just believes were incompetent to learn anything. No one can learn from a crap parent who can't explain more than once and he has a way of speaking that doesn't make sense when explaining things. I can't even talk to my mother if his in the same area, because he doesn't want me talking at all, His definition of a parent is merely a 1940's dysfunctionality to work labor construction, than that the wife does everything else and if you have been kept under his wing until your 18, that his done his part, despite being horrendous with everything else. He even once asked me wither I want to work, making it seem optional that we need money.

LostPigeon407 · ‎26-02-2024

I have hated my father all my life. His never been a positive reinforcement. His vain and highly selfish. His emotionally and psychologically very dysfunctional with how he deals with me and possibly hostile given the right social confrontations. His negatively opinionated about me, that I'm socially inept, anxious, a hermit, that I'm disabled, that I'm soft and weak. He tells others and himself that I don't want to work, just because I haven't had work history due to not having suitable direction for the right entry job's and since I've had no interest in any further studying to advance my life forward. He tells me to not burn the house down when I want to cook, even if it's only two minute Maggie noodles on the gas stove. He treats my speaking as being dyslexic because he doesn't understand the words I use. He laughs at me because he doesn't like me or understands my character and personality. He offers me junk food or anything, because his ignorant and in considerate even though he knows I have diabetes. He tells me my Centrelink is a allowance, even if it's from the government and not money from my immediate family. He uses my diagnosis against me to manipulate that I'm mental or he provokes me with the most hurtful things he tells me and then he threatens he will get me admitted and locked away in a mental hospital. He told my mum that I shouldn't be driving, because Vic Roads made my life harder and requested me to re do certain test's, they randomly suspended my learners permit and we then had the corona virus situation and the fact that I didn't have the right instructor and ideal O.T. for a long time, So he believed it reflected my on road abilities.

My mother can never lose arguments. She treats me as immature or that I'm throwing tantrums. She continuously pesters me and she's a overly involved helicopter parent. If I see my GP or psychiatrist, She sometimes will or could tell them things about me that I don't agree with. She contributed to getting me admitted into hospital in 2021. She doesn't acknowledge that she treats me as special or challenged, when she's a passenger in the car. It's the way she talks to me or how much faith she has in me.

I also have to be un happy because I have to be stuck under involuntary pharmaceuticals. I now have belly stretch marks, the diabetes and also had my gallbladder removed. My GP or psychiatrist treat me as ultimately indenyl about the diagnosis. I am not allowed to have my own opinions, feelings or feel angry about any situation or past life experiences, because then they want to exaggerate that my reactions is all about the diagnosis. I even had my psychiatrist prescribe me a extra medication, just because I confessed my realistic financial concerns and personal worries that had nothing to do with anything being mental. Even when I didn't want them, it wasn't a option with him.

I was bullied physically, degraded and socially not respected in numerous ways during high school. I disliked about 16 kids literally during high school and had two of those for joke friends for five years after leaving high school. They made me the problem when we cut ties, they didn't care too and they think their better than me or that their lives are special. I can list so many things with what they negatively did to me.

On top of everything I generally lack social and emotional confidence with society. The world is too vain and no one cares truthfully, and either I'm possibly on the spectrum or I feel that too many in my life are narcissistic and I can't actively believe in myself. I feel everyone undermines me or doesn't see my perspectives or understands who I am. I feel basically controlled through being diagnosed and because I'm financially dependent on my Dad.

white knight · ‎26-02-2024

I'm happy you can share these issues you have with your parents LP.

Simply put, your parents as you have described with how they treat you is wrong.

So I wrote an article here some years ago about "wit". It reads that short answers are often the better ones rather than any ongoing argument.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/wit-the-only-answer-for-torment/td-p/71440

Being reliant on a parent/s places you in a tight situation, but that doesnt mean you should be subjected to abuse. So it is better to refine your responses to reach their common sense. eg

"Dont burn the house down"

Answer- "is that a nice thing to say dad"?

"you're mental"

Answer- "is that a statement a parent should make to their child"?

"You cant drive properly"

Answer- "so if you want me to improve do you think some positive comments would help"?

Notice how every response from you in these examples would be questions back at them? That makes them answer, in turn making them accountable for their comments.

After some time they just might not say as much critical words.

But also, it is healthy to mentally try and identify the positives in their nature/personality. Their nature wont change but you can pick out their good traits. It does help.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/accepting-yourself-the-frog-and-the-scorpion/td-p/1...

TonyWK