Family, MIL issues - Totally isolated
Hi, I am in need of some 'you're not alone' type of reassurance.
I am very isolated on all fronts. Moved from the city to the country 2 years ago so my DH & I could have a baby and create a healthier life for the 3 of us. I quit a lucrative career in the city & it has taken almost 9 months of my son's 2nd year to find suitable part time work.
Suffered a really terrible pregnancy & emergency birth, baby had bad reflux for almost his first year & PND for me plus in that time my Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's/dementia.
I have a long history of being emotionally abused by my father, step mother & younger sister, all classic narcissists.
I cut my father off permanently in this year also.
My abusive sister took control of my Mum's estate & moved her into a nursing home, all the while I was struggling as an older (38) first time mum & couldn't help much which caused resentment. I bit my lip and kept the peace.
I also stopped contact with my mum's relatives overseas as when my baby was born, they were toxic as well - loooong history of physical abuse on that side.
I saw 2 psychologists & neither was able to help.
To top it off, my only hope was my DH's family and MIL who I've always had a good relationship with. But tonight we argued after months of her not respecting simple boundaries.
Simple being, sticking to my son's allergy diet, not inviting other members of family down at short notice and not giving him the iPhone to play with!
I don't have time to make friends as I'm working 2 x 12 hour shifts & consulting some nights plus looking after the home and DH drives an average of 300km per day to provide for us.
I'm exhausted and don't want to cut my toxic sister or MIL out of our lives as we would then have NO family at all but I'm at my wits end.
My son is not quite 2 but I feel he, in time, will suffer as I do or even just from watching me not coping.
Is anyone out there in a similar position or have some positive words of encouragement?
Such a lot for you to be dealing with! I really don’t feel in the best place to be offering impartial advice at the moment but I know there are some very supporting people in the B.B. forums. I hope they can help.
I made an international move with my ex husband and kids and my mum died unexpectedly very soon after leaving me feeling very isolated and lonely. You are already showing strength by ceasing contact with unhealthy relationships. Other than that I hope that some of the experienced people here can offer you advice and help
Bluebird is right youve done well getting rid of toxic people.
Hopefully your MIL will come round to tespecting your rights as the parent. Grandparents have special roles but they arent the parents!
here is a thread I started that might help.
Topic: inlaws, the best approach- beyondblue
Also about narcs this might interest you.
Queen witch hermit waif.
my mother has all four above.
Anyway I do think your relationship with MIL is fixable st this point. Offer a coffee and donut...