Dear BonnieH,
I can understand your sentiments. It's natural to try an appease a situation because you love your partner and fear losing them. However, I would like to give you some food for thought. Without you speaking out, your partner is not going to change. You'll continue living this way, feeling like you're excluded and pushed to the margins in his life. Is this a life that you envision for yourself in the long run?
Alternatively, you can speak out and risk him getting angry. Yes, there is the possibility of losing him as well. But if you lost him because you were standing your ground, wouldn't that say volumes about him? Wouldn't that show you that he was not willing to build a life with you, but rather wanted someone passive who he could push around? On the other hand, if he listened to you, then you'd have taken a step towards healing this relationship.
Do consider the possibilities. Ultimately, your approach is completely your choice. It may not have been the choice another person may have made, but what's important is that you're happy with your choice.
On another note, do you have a support network around you that you can talk about this to? Perhaps friends, or your own family? Given the difficulties in your relationship, it's good to have someone on your side as well.
Kindly,
M
