Hi, welcome
I almost guarantee your sister has mental scars from her childhood and, rightly or wrongly, blames you for many of them. The waves of anger from her wont subside until the matters are laid to rest and that takes (ideally) co therapy where you allow her to voice the anger and just as important- your patience in allowing her to do so. It can also mend things when you express your love to her etc
You have no or little memory of inflicting anything untoward on her of what she claims, that's likely because you were not the victim, only the victim remembers and resents. Yes, there is also the possibility that she is exaggerating in her mind the seriousness of any abuse so I want to be fair to you. Typical kids conflict is often less conflict and more disagreement.
So you have a few choices at this point-
- Organise a meeting in a neutral place like a cafe, park or similar. Discuss things then
- Seek out counseling but unlike a couple it is fruitless unless she agrees to attend
- Send her a card with a sweet message inside saying that you apologise for whatever ill treatment you gave her in childhood, that it wasnt meant and you desire to put it in the past so it isnt mentioned at any gathering again.
- Take a break- a medium to long period.
- using wit to counter comments (see below)
Using wit is not an easy process to master but it can be the most effective. See your sister knows you well. She likely knew each time she brings up the topic that you get hurt, even hopes you get hurts so you are punished. The secret with this process of wit is to nip the topic in the bud so after a few times she will know it is fruitless to continue her behaviour.
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/wit---the-only-answer-for-torme...
So the above thread is well worth reading. In your case lets test it out.
She says- "not to mentioned how my big sister bullied me when we played hop scotch"
Your answer- "children do that when there is an age gap, when are you going to move on"?
or
She says- "I'll never forget when you slapped me 5 times because I broke your doll"
You reply " you're lucky I forgave you for breaking my doll, when are you going to forgive me"?
Notice I always end with a question? That sends it back to her. In a way its semi ridiculing to achieve an end purpose.
Its better to not risk conflict at xmas and that means spending xmas with those that wont clash. Here its called "taking care of yourself". That's your priority.
TonyWK
