Failed

[Sykes_78]

Just turned 40 and have 3 foster kids to take care of. Working nearly 7 days a week trying to make ends meet. Wife wants time just for us. But i just want to be by myself for a while when i get home, coz getting up at 5am and leaving by 6, only to get home at 5ish takes its toll every day. Recently ive been told how bad i am at this father thing, and how she regrets everything. Everyone is fed, clothed, healthy and has everything they need. Why do i feel like a failure. Money is tight but iwealways have just enough to pull through for everyone except me. I make sacrifices, and plan to make more, for the good of my family. Being told iv pretty much failed hasnt sat well with me and is constantly nawing in my head. Why am i here, what am i doing wrong, what am i doing right. Ive grown up with a lot of childhood trauma that was never treated, my brother was killed in an accidental shooting by another brother. Pain, animosity, hate, rage, disgust were the emotions i had as a 13 yyr old kid. The way i see it is i failed to be there for my deceased brother, then only to fail for not being the brother i needed to be for my living brother, how has he not killed him self yet, he had just as much treatment as me, not much. Now im in my last set of failures. Times are tough. Im new to this, i dont even know if iv layed everything out on the table, i feel badt, i look around and i see happiness. But what is happiness if my wife regrets everything. All the pain and suffering in my life only to pass it on. Rather not be here, there or anywhere

[blondguy]

Hello Sykes78

Welcome and good on you for having the huge inner strength to post with us.....thank you!

Being 40 (or any age for that matter) and caring for 3 children is a mega responsibility. From what you have posted I cant see you as a failure in any shape or form.....seriously

I do feel your pain where criticism is concerned though. This is the hard part. I am sorry about the loss of your brother when you were young...this would be sad & awful to have on your mind for sure. You didnt fail to be there for your brother when the accident happened. I do understand your pain though as you must miss him so much. (I lost my big brother in 1983 and it is still difficult to deal with)

If you want to talk about your other brother you are very welcome to. The forums are a non judgemental and SAFE place for you to be. Your well being and privacy is paramount to Beyond Blue and the forums

Just a note....You mentioned.."Everyone is fed, clothed, healthy and has everything they need"......I see a strong person who has a heart of gold Sykes....That sentence really made my day....I think you are a legend (I get it that you dont feel like one)

Can I ask you what your wife regrets? (only if thats okay of course)

It would be really good if you could post back....when its convenient for you

Im Paul....one of many people on the forums that can be here for you Sykes. Great to meet you!

my kind thoughts for you

[Sykes_78]

Thanx Paul, unsure what she actualy means. My home is very hostile at the moment. Kids probably know somethings up. Spent last night watching movies with them. It was good. Bottle fed the youngest while my wife tried her besr to ignore me. I want to tell her im sorry for the way this has turned out, but i dont think its going to matter. Shes said her piece, and i was unable to respond, because i had no words say, it was a shock and awe moment where i was struggling to put 2 and 2 together, then it was to late. The truth came out. What a head game. Unsure of what to do now, just ride it out i guess. Small is the word of the day.

[blondguy]

Hey Sykes

Thankyou for taking the time to post back. You are spot on about the children knowing somethings up as they can feel whats happening long before we can hear it.

I dont mean to be a stickybeak in any way Sykes....Can I ask why your wife is ignoring you? You have some excellent fathering skills happening here. You are doing so well. I understand that the money is tight....no worries....I understand you.

Please keep in mind that Beyond Blue have strict privacy controls enabled to protect your privacy Sykes. You can post whats on your mind .

From what you have posted there is nothing small about you in any way. If you want to talk about the shock and awe moment you are more than welcome to Sykes

my kind thoughts for you in this difficult time

Paul