Endless loop of loneliness and depression

[Richard_C1]

Hi guys,

I just thought I'd share my miserable existence with anyone who cares.

Many people on this forum talk about being depressed and their partners/spouses/friends noticing them. Man, I only wish I had some friends or partner to rely on.

I'm a 28 year old man living by myself in Sydney metro. For the last approx. 10 years I have not had any real friends. Yea I have acquaintances and some work colleagues who I chat to profusely but no real friends. You know, the friends that normal people have, the friends that normal people go out with on a social setting in evenings/weekends/holidays etc. None of that.

I've also have never had a partner in any romantic/personal way (can't have a love-life if you don't even have a single friend) and I don’t get along all that much with my parents/extended family.

Because my parents moved a lot (not just suburb to suburb but all over the country), I never developed the usual friendships that people form in high school and then build upon later in life.

Three years ago I moved out of home and settled in Sydney. However, it’s been so long since I’ve had friends that I feel like it’s such an insurmountable challenge now to catch up and have any semblance of normality in my life like people my age.

I feel abnormal, depressed, lonely, with nothing to look forward to. I don’t feel like things will ever look up for me or that I will ever be happy. I look with envy at people who seem ‘normal’ – you know who actually have people in their lives who care about them.

Recently I have developed a close connection with this colleague at work, dare I say, we consider each other friends and have gone out on a social setting etc together. Exactly what I thought I needed.

However, rather than cheer me up this has depressed me even more. I’ve become obsessed with him and infatuated with his life. Most times of the day I spend daydreaming about him and living vicariously through him. I think he’s got the perfect life, perfect interests, perfect girlfriend, perfect social life etc and I am constantly looking at everything through a prism that involves him.

I'm constantly green with envy - I feel like he’s the personification of normality and that I can NEVER measure up to him and have a exciting/stunning/cheerful life like him no matter how much I try.

I feel like I’m in an endless loop of loneliness and depression. What’s the point of meeting new people/friends if I end up feeling worse?

Appreciate any words/comments. Thanks

[loooodle]

Hi Richard_C,

Your post struck a nerve with me and I felt compelled to respond.

I too have suffered with the beast that is comparison and its awful. Constantly feeling like your life is not as good or fun or glamorous as someone else's and particularly in this age of social media, its compounded...

I agree with other posters that you should speak to your GP about how you are feeling. There are things that you can do in the short-term to start to help ease the feelings you are experiencing as you build on your self-esteem. Getting out for a walk or some exercise, sleep, healthy eating - take care of yourself and try not to put too many expectations on yourself.

I have suffered with self-esteem issues also and for most of my twenties, I didn't have one friend to count on, I had two long-term toxic relationships which resulted in me losing who I was and becoming a shell of a person.... Let me tell you... you deserve so much more than you are giving yourself now...

Just an idea as a way to meet new people with similar interests - have you looked into an app/website called MeetUp? It provides a way for people with like minded interests to meet up and chat and build friendships.... just an idea to consider.

🙂

[Possum_Magic1]

Hi Richard_C

Sorry to hear that life is a battle and you are depressed. Firstly I would look into the depression. See a professional and seek some help. It is amazing how much it helps to speak to someone who understands your pain. Either with or without medication it will help to restore some confidence.

I noticed a few people have suggested getting involved in a club or group to meet new friends but what I also suggest is a holiday. When is the last time you did something nice for yourself? Maybe look at going on a Contiki tour 18-35yrs only trip. Doing something different out of your usual routine could open more doors.

Hope you are doing ok. Life is like a rollercoaster , it has it's ups and it has it's downs but you just have to ride it. Take care.

[Athina]

I loved Possum Magic at one time in my life!

Your name suggests to me that you have something to contribute - something to add. It needs practice. Perhaps a new inspiration, a new person to emulate not so close to home and then add in your own interests.

Many of us care a little too much about what other people will think and feel and some of us struggle to fit in. You are worth more than all this. Meetups are a good start but don't expect too much other than to go there with an open mind and see what happens. Loneliness is awful and debilitating. A break may be the boosting recharge you are looking for. Silly thing the boredom of routine. I hate it. Along with anything inauthentic. You have achieved one goal of settling in Sydney, don't make my mistake and rest on your laurels. Best to choose another goal now and apply yourself to it.