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don't know whether or not I have done the right thing??

Community Member
Hi all

Me and my missus have been going through a rough patch the last few months and well stupid me, I get a crush on a woman that we were both friends with. One night this woman and I were talking and she was telling me some secrets about her. I thought well I may as well tell her how i feel. I told her i liked her and she was actually pretty cool about it. Until i told the missus about my feelings about the other woman. now the friend i thought i had has pretty much abandoned me 😞 can't contact her or anything. on the bright side it finally got my missus to open up about what she thought was wrong in our relationship. so I we can work on that now. thou i still feel bad. I never slept with this other girl but have been tempted to cheat on my missus with other women. I felt bad just thinking about it. so i never did. I just feel so stupid for falling for someone who i thought was my friend but obviously wasn't when she bailed out after i told my missus my feelings towards her. the fact i fell for someone while being in a committed relationship as well. I didn't mean for any of this to happen!!! why do i feel so bad about this for?? I just wish i could stop my crush on this other woman. she obviously doesn't care about me if she bailed at the sign of trouble. I feel so stupid 😞
4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi MA, welcome

This is a tough one tp reply to reason being it is 100% your fault. That has produced guilt and damage within your relationship. Now your partner will find it hard to trust you.

So if a pretty lady seeks therapy with a male counselor and the counselor finds her attractive...what do you think should happen. He must maintain his professional values and not get emotionally involved.

Men and women are often subjected to this attraction to the opposite sex but if you are that driven then leave your partner for a single mans life.

Thats my view. You're not alone in causing your own problems. Redeeming yourself wont be easy but you have one asset, you partner sounds like she will fight to keep you.

Hope it all works out.

Tony WK

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello MA, what worries me is that another crush on someone else may happen down the track when you and your wife have another disagreement, because even though this other lady has gone doesn't mean that you're not thinking about her, so there will other ladies you see or associate with which you will want to get close to and then possibly sleep with.
Sorry this is not the type of reply you would be expecting, but I have to call a spade a spade.
The both of you have to sort these problems out and come to an agreement if the marriage still continues, because any problems that are held back and not settled is only going to make this situation questionable, but don't forget that your wife also has to change if she doesn't want this to happen again.
Can I suggest that you get a referral to see a psychologist, because if you want to overcome this feeling for other women then a psych will be able to help you.
I don't mean to upset you, but if you do want to stop these feelings then you need some counseling. Geoff.

Thanks for the replies. I am seeing a psychologist. I really want this feeling gone. Almost 8 years and stuff starts going south and I fall for a friend. I feel so useless about it all.

Hi there

The responses above are sound. Dont feel so bad about yourself. You are taking the right action to get some professional help to understand what you have done, why you have done it, and to set some directions and actions moving forward. It might not immediately solve the problems with your current relationship but your partner will respect you for at least seeking help off your own bat, rather than being pushed.