Dear Supersadgal~
I'd like to join Quirky in welcoming you here. It is a pity you had to wait for people to come along, however it is not a reflection on you or what you are posting about. In a funny sort of way the delay is caused by care. There are no paid staff here, just people who come in pain, and remain to help others. That of course is not as efficient, but leaves you assured the people that talk with you want to do so.
Your father and brother dying is a terrible thing, and leaves its mark, probably for always. And you are right, if you are sad then some people will move away, they are the ones that want easy, fun, no effort. Finding the difference between friends and acquaintances can be a heart-breaking discovery too.
I suspect when you say you are a good friend you are correct. Friends comes in all shapes and sizes and I'd think you are being as good a friend as you can to your mum. Talking with someone towards the end of their life is difficult, and if there is only you it is doubly so. I've had to be with several that have passed away, my wife, family member, friends. All were different, different attitudes, different expectations. Being a friend in those circumstances stretches patience, love, even ingenuity at times. Plus fatigue.
I found, even though I was consumed wiht grief that I would not have changed being there, of trying.
I'm trotting all this out to show I maybe understand a little of your trials and to put over the idea a surprising number do care. Friendship sneaks up unsought, or so I've found. It is rare, two partners and a couple or three others in a long life. Hard to tell from acquaintanceship until the wheels fall off and genuine help and care is needed. If someone is till there they are a friend.
You sound as if you have been unlucky. The words you repeat come from spiteful people. To be avoided.
I'm unsure what would be a good thing for you to do, perhaps something where you may meet more people - what do you think? Trying to follow one's interests is often a good path, as can be assisting others.
Please do not be put off by delays, it is not always possible here to have a back and forth conversation spanning just a few minutes.
In the meantime why not have browse around and see if others are facing similar situations?
Croix
