Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Difficult son

Community Member

I don't know whether to seek a family or legal forum.

My son is 21. He's addicted to drugs. He has no work ethic and spends most of his time in his makeshift room which was a storage room adjacent to our garage that he's just taken over. Either eating, checking his phone, sleeping, lazying or consuming whatever drug he's on. He's on his 5th job this year, and his 4th car after trashing the last 3. Today he just couldn't be bothered going to work. Orders food deliveries and his room is a mess.

In his teens he was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, in his world he's the only one that matters, and his counsellor could not help us any more. We've put him on a mentoring youth program with trips and activities, and his mentor gave up on him after he lured another kid to alcohol on a trip away. He's wasted his schooling by skipping classes and acting the truant. After a series of warnings and dismissed from one school, he couldn't see out yr-11. He's had a number of low-end jobs since then which he hasn't been able to stick to. Been booked for speeding, lost his licence twice and is heading for a 3rd, and his car is nearly a write-off. He's had anger management issues, broken doors and windows in the house when things don't go his way, and even driven over the front garden hedge. Two court appearances with AVOs which he hasn't stuck to and no intention of doing so. Police turn up, take him in for questioning and then release him. They can't do anything as he hasn't committed a crime, yet.

We can't afford to keep supporting him. It's damaged our family mentally, especially his mother who cries in her sleep. I know he needs help but he won't voluntarily seek it. He won't reason to anything meaningful, and turns everything to a joke. We're in the process of moving house, and his mother is adamant he won't be following us. But I don't know what to do with him. I'm mentally exhausted.

10 Replies 10

Hi Augustus

If you can't enforce an AVO, you can't enforce any type of court order. After all, an AVO is a court order.

You are dealing with someone with diagnosed NPD, there is nothing that the courts can do about that, except lock him up when he breached the order.

Your sons addictions (alcohol and drugs) are tied into his NPD. Addictions and NPD often go together. His problems have to be treated as a whole, not individually.

There are no easy answers.