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Depression, how can my husband walk out on our marriage like that?

Community Member
About 4 months ago now my husband went into a deep depression and told me he was unhappy in our marriage. It was like a switch went off that day and he became a different person. He stopped touching me, kissing me, became so cold and distant. I held on as long as I could but he wanted out and I couldn’t change his mind. I know it’s the depression and he will come out of this and realise he’s made a huge mistake. This isn’t the first time this has happened but I honestly thought the last time would be the last time. I can’t believe someone can walk out of a marriage after 10 years, how someone could hurt me like this. I keep messaging him, hoping he will see this is all as a huge mistake, but then I think, what if we did get back together, again, would this always be my life?? This guy who promised to be my forever and always, constantly switching off on me? Surely I deserve better? I know he’s going through something massive but he doesn’t want me there as support, he doesn’t want anything to do with me. Do I just give up?
1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Stephyy, welcome

Without knowing both of you it's a difficult question to answer. However, you need a direction, I hope I can plant some seeds for you to find it.

Is it his depression helping him divide you both? IMO not likely. People with depression (I have it as well as bipolar) are led by their logic and senses like anyone else with moods, reactions and affection (along with many other things) being affected by the illness only to a point. Depression doesnt often if at all cause sufferers to leave their spouses. It may contribute towards general unhappiness however but not be the cause if the separation.

Marriage begins with hope and promises. Sometimes things change and the promises are over run by unhappiness for whatever reason. You are now at a point whereby your thinking must change towards personal survival notably, an ideal direction for you towards your future...without your husband. Without that direction to build a future you will be in no mans land with hope and hope only. That is a sad place to be (I've been there).

Your husband has done this before and you say he refuses your offered support. That is his decision. Hoping he'll change isnt a sound basis for a stable marriage. Ignoring you is contemptuous and intentional.

People with mental illness have needs and support. However people with no mental illness also suffer trauma and insecurities as you are now that demands self focus.

Such hurtful times for you deserve your 100% commitment to your own wellbeing.

Now if he was seeking guidence from professionals, support from you and didnt leave to become aloof my advice would be different.

In 1996 my life was in such limbo until I made solid moves in planning my future. Such plans kept me really busy diverting my mind from the hurt feelings.

I began to regain my life enthusiastically. Setting goals Kickstarted my journey.

I wish you well. If you have any questions repost here.