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Depressed partner lost job 8 maths ago will not help himself with employment resorts to alcoholism

Community Member


I am in a terrible situation that is escalating into financial ruin so fast.

Owe heaps on mortgage more than house is worth plus other accumulated loans.

Have things in place to pay it off slowly but now partner lost job 8 months ago he was given redundancy after 21 years to which has run out. Drank thousands of dollars away plus gained some assets.

I am currently working but money I get no way covers all bills or mortgage.

Tried selling assets but no buyers interested.

Food running low he continues straight vodka hides it in water bottles all around house and outside.

I look after my dad also he 81 and frail no longer drives I maintain 4 acres and do his shopping. I feel Burnt out and stressed all time but keep going somehow.

Suppose to go AA this arvo but he has wiped himself out again.


What's next need support and guidance

3 Replies 3

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Endofline~

Welcome here, it is a horrible situation and I'm very sorry you are faced with it.

Trying to support an alcoholic at the best of times is impossible, right now it is risking your health and well-being in a major way. Unfortunately the booze is an addiction and it becomes more important to the drinker than family, position or anything else - it takes over completely.

The fact he the the bottles simply means he is determined not to be cured.

You have to look after yourself, and if possible you dad. Looking at the situation from the outside it really seems to me you should separate from your partner. This is not easy advice, I can understand that, but if he is going to simply drink anything you try to proved it is hopeless to try to stay.

I would also suggest contacting Anglicare or some other disinterested organization to obtain the best financial advice. While I doubt there will be any good news it is most important not to fall into the traps many have regarding bankruptcy trustees etc and ending up owing more afterwards.

Please feel free to talk and discuss things here as much as you would like


Community Member

Leaving is not always easy I feel sorry for him and repulsed at the same time.

He doesn't get along with his family was bought up tough and his family would see this as weakness. He is 45 never had kids. We been together 7 years I was married previously had two children and decided before finding someone else I didn't want anymore kids as mine are 29 and 23. Explained this to him at start he was fine with it even though he has never had kids.

I am very caring person and see this broken man who had planned on retirement after working for large company for many more years to come but that was taken away from him to early.

Job situation where we are is bad alot out of work and made redundant the same.

He is on anti depressants I took him to doctors explained what has happened about being made redundant. He was given an opportunity to go in sales but that isn't turning out at all alot of out of pocket expenses for fuel to travel.

So he has been trying but it's not working out and the alcohol consumption makes the sales job not doable as I told him I would never drive him around when intoxicated.

I feel it is all to much for him not much support from anyone other than me have left him before ended up picking him up from hospital.

He has changed into a shell of a man upsetting to see. The man I met was strong and confident and very outgoing. Now he hides inside escapes through alcohol and won't help himself.

Trying to get him to AA but he too intoxicated all time 5 days straight now.

If I leave he will most likely end up in hospital again.

I know he can only get better if he wants to.

If I'm not here he does not function.

Another meeting on Friday night for AA and if anything I will be going.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Endofline~

I can understand how you feel and know you want to help him. The trouble is deciding what is effective help, even what is possible.

I think the first thing to point out - you may well know this already - is that excessive alcohol and anti-depressants are a very bad mix, the effects can be the opposite of what the medication is supposed to do.

To stop drinking does take both skilled help and also a desire by your husband to stop. You are already approaching AA, have you had a chance to talk to them about you husband? There are other organizations if AA is not suitable for any reason. (Our 24/7 Help Line may be able to point some out). I doubt if simply taking him to meetings will be effective.

You did talk about hospital, was he admitted? I found (I have other problems) that hospitalization was very beneficial for me, perhaps that might help your husband too, though frankly I'm out of my depth with alcohol related issues. For me the isolation from current problems made a big difference.

Your own well-being is vital, irrespective of if you decide to go or stay. Do you have a good enough relationship with your adult children for them to lend you support? Work plus the money worries plus trying to deal with your husband is a big ongoing ask

I did mention getting proper financial advice as there is I guess a possibility you might be facing bankruptcy. I'd stress it is important not to go into this blind but have disinterested advice in advance from some organization that does not have any vested interest.

I do hope you keep on talking, even if we have no easy solutions you will see there are understanding people in the world and if nothing else can be a sounding board.