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Dealing with the pain of letting someone go.

Community Member

I love my wife of 25yrs it hurts to say it. I guess we got into a rut, she's been feeling it for the last 3 yrs and wanted separation then. Me (head in clouds) thought we could work through it. We got to our 25th anniversary and I took her away for the weekend. We had a great time. Back home she said she only went along as she knew how important it was for me to do 25th and she still wanted separation. Last year I caught her lying. I wasn't spying. She was going to a party. She lied about who picked her up. She lied for about 3 weeks, told me I would have got the wrong impression. I wasn't the jealous type [then]had she told me who, I would have been fine with it. I would never have suspected them having an affair in a million years. Two completely different people from completely different cultures and a bigger age difference.

I found out recently she was having an affair for sure, I overheard her talking to our guest/family who are staying with us atm. As you can imagine I'm heartbroken to the point I can't cope, sleep, eat, I'm anxious, depressed, angry, jealous and bitter. She says we were finished a long time ago.

We've been talking about what's been going on and the more I get from her the more hurt and betrayed I am. She took a trip abroad to see her mum and I find out he was there. They had a 7 day mini break touring towns and cities with no agenda, not knowing where you're going, exploring etc, staying in random hotels. EVERYTHING I've been trying to get my wife to do with me for the last 10 yrs.

I also found out that he's been pursuing her at work for app 4yrs(unknown to my wife), even though he's married and his culture would frown on his actions. He's been constantly asking her out mythering her and she's refused many times. Looking back I remember now she did say he asked her out a couple of years ago and she laughed it off as he's a lot older. To shut him up she finally relented.

My wife mis diagnosed herself as having MS and this doctor helped her to see specialist friends of his who calmed the situation, nothing wrong with her. Then he had a medical drama and nearly died. She was distraught and I couldn't understand why. They confided in each other and must have grown close. But I blame him entirely for abusing his position in work to pursue her. I can't do anything as he's not her doctor.

He can't leave his arranged marriage and I don't want her to be his bit on the side. How can I let her go but not be with him ?

10 Replies 10

Community Member

Hi Michael

Very sorry to hear the pain you are being put through, stay strong mate or the hurt can destroy you if you let it.
There had been lots of good advice from people above. I went through a similar experience and was in a very bad place When a song came on the radio just at the right time - I get knocked down but I get up again you are never gonna keep me down by Chumbawamba - yeah strange I know. But that song gave me the strength to fight for myself and not disappear into the darkness.

I built myself up again, took more pride in my appearance and physical fitness. It didn’t take long to start getting attention from some lovely ladies and then she tried to re-connect, sorry it was too late I know I would never trust her again and would not stand for it.

There is no denying hard times are a head for you my friend but you have to stay strong and push through it.

ps: I would definitely report the Dr for unprofessional conduct, he is supposed to be a professional in the medical field and is not good enough.

Good luck mate