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Complicated break up

Community Member
My boyfriend and I been together for 12 years.
He has major depression all thought out his life
I have Bipolar Disorder. I have a 16 years old son
Who has depression due to his step dad
In the relationship my boyfriend always talked about
The girls at his work wanting to go to there place
And stay the night. Plus he would always looked at
Porn the type of porn he looks at is disgusting
His very attached to his oldest sister which they are
Very close I couldn't stand. My boyfriend is 57 and I'm
38. He sees his sister as a mother which I still don't like
I was always very jealous of there bond. About a month
Ago we broke up well I told him we are breaking up
He told his sister like always tells her everything about our fights
She is very upset with me. She blames me for everything
Its been a month and I still have his furniture, his mothers engagement
Ring and wedding ring, his mothers items. His mother past away
7 years ago. He keeps coming over all the time. My son sees him as his dad
My boyfriend isn't his real dad of course. I couldn't stand it any longer
Due to the fact what he had done. I still love him. I drive him to his appointments to
See his psychiatrist that's 1 hour away every fortnight.
He still wants me to bake him cakes and biscuits
Plus have him over once a fortnight for dinner which I wanted to do.
I take him out once a month. Does this sound like a break up to you.
I don't know what it is. Very confusing. I have tried to talk to him but he tells me not to
Stress him out and that he doesn't want to talk about it.
2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Karenwill55,

welcome to beyond blue.

the situation you described sounds quite complicated. One could make guesses why the bf sees his sister is a mother role but that is about him and not you. It is interesting that you referred to him as your 'bf' rather than 'ex' but this is probably because of what you mentioned in the 2nd half of your post. The other thing in your post is you said ...

tells her everything about our fights

so perhaps he saw this as just another fight that you both get over?

You don't have to answer the next question here, but what was the issue that caused the breakup?

And how important is that matter to you that (a) is it something you an accept and move forward together or (b) is it a deal breaker for you or (c) are you able to talk about this issue with him and work out some sort of resolution?

Finally, how you feel now after writing the post? Sometimes writing down your thoughts can give you some sort of clarity. And if not...

If we were the put the confusion you feel into a box next your bed, and then over night, something happened that made the box disappear and the problem did not exist, the confusion has gone away. How would you notice the problem no longer exists? What would you be doing differently?


Hi Tim

The relationship is complicated because it's both of our faults. I have major trust issues as I been hurt a lot by past boyfriends. I don't mind him attach to his sister but not too attach that's for sure. I don't like the fact he tells her everything about our fights she says I'm childish and I need to grow up. His not attach much to his other 2 sisters only his oldest one as he sees her as a mother. I'm very hurt over him telling me about the women at his work that he wants to sleep with them and also looks at porn that's not right in a relationship. I always hope that he will change and grow up and stop acting like a child. He always so scared of being alone. His never had a girlfriend in his life as he has tried to get a girlfriend before me but he says they don't like him. I have anger issues that's. Because of the crap with his depression and treating me like a mother I was sick of it. I call him my boyfriend as I'm confused if we are together or not it's very confusing. I have tried so many times to talk to him about this issue he badly shakes, stutters, scared and confused plus mixed up. When he sees me he gets very scared and nervous. I'm so confused myself.