Chat about dealing with children with behavioural issues as a single parent

[jesslowe83]

Hi Everyone,

I'm struggling, I always struggle but I'm feeling quite overwhelmed of late. I'm a single mum with 3 children, son aged 9.5 with ASD and ADHD, daughter aged 8 with ADHD and a son aged 6 currently undiagnosed but also unsure of future. It's always waves within the family, waves of good waves of bad. I've just started the NDIS ball rolling to get help for my eldest who has extreme anxiety. My daughter is an absolute handful and I'm worried she's becoming a 'mean girl'.

I myself suffer from major depressive disorder and anxiety. I'm medicated, and mostly I'm ok. I've had my very very very bad patches but this year I turned a corner and for the most part I've done really well.

But at the moment I'm feeling it creep up again and I just feel so tired, so stressed and so useless.

How do you all cope with it?

[white knight]

Hi Jess, welcome

Oh boy, what a handful. But congrats for surviving through your bad patch.

I havent got any professional experience. My MIL is foster mum to a 14yo boy with ADHD and Ive known him since 3yo and my wife and I have minded him often.

My daughters are grown up. When their mother and I were together we had the view that there were decisions made then thats it....no bending. This stance made things easy in the long term. They got to know that once a decision was made that's it!

I dont know if that helps at all as I know the mountain of challenges you have. Im more focussed on your depression.

If you read the first post (at least) of the following threads you might get something out of them. Use google

Topic: worry worry worry- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Topic: triggers that down you, truggers that lift you- beyondblue

Topic: burnout, the turtle and the hare- beyondblue

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Topic: how I eliminated anxiety- beyondblue

Topic: ,symbolic tokens to assist the mind- beyondblue

During rough patches this site can be very beneficial. Its open 24/7 to type your worries, you are talking to people that can relate to your struggles and you can learn so much on coping strategies

We even have a "circle of friends" thread that has proven popular.

[Starwolf]

Hi Jesslowe,

There's a lot resting on your shoulders right now. It is of course taking its toll. Caring for special needs children is exhausting, physically, mentally and emotionally. I too ended up being sole carer for a difficult daughter due to acquired brain injury. She was an uncooperative handful so I have an idea of what you are going through.

Is your daughter seeing a counselor or psychologist at the moment ? It sounds like she could benefit from early professional assistance as her state of mind could deteriorate further as she becomes older.

Can your family step in while you take necessary breaks ? While caring for others, it is easy to put our personal needs on the back burner and forget them there. Unfortunately, we all have limited inner resources. When depleted, a difficult situation can take a turn for the worst.

Have you looked into respite care in your area ? Carer Gateway (1800 422 737) could help point you in the right direction as to eligibility and what is available locally.

You could connect with them online by copying this link into your browser : carergateway.gov.au

Respite would not only give you a bit of me time. Your children would also get a chance to feel independent from you for a while, discover new activities and make new friends.

There's also Carers Australia (1800 242 636) https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/

Taking good care of yourself is essential. Well done for being proactive about your well being in the past. Some corners are not easy to negotiate but you did it. You are now doing a terrific but demanding job. You need all the support and help you can get. May it be counseling or/and respite, please do not hesitate to reach out for it.