Can I have my happily ever after?
I have posted on here before, and my journey has certainly come in a number of swings and round abouts.
After having some time apart from my ex-partner (i.e. no communication and no contact), I have really seen the light and miss him tremendously. I miss everything, like how he used to make my hot chocolates so perfectly, how he knew I loved to sleep in so many layers and keep incredibly warm. I miss all of it. Some people think I just miss the 'idea' of him, but no, I miss him as the amazing person I know he is.
We separated after he refused to seek treatment for his 6 month long battle with depression. However, after we separated, he really took it upon himself to start working on himself. He started going to the gym and eating properly to help with an underlying medical condition (whcih contributed to his depression) and he has been seeing a psychologist to help with his immediate depression, but also tackle some stuff from his childhood and young adulthood (his parents both passed away and he was carer for both of them and did not really receive sibling support during that time). As a result, he developed coping mechanisms that just weren't enabling him to lead a full life. His social life was affected and he had trouble communicating and actively dealing with issues. BUT, these are all things he is working on now.
I remember the amazing individual he was before depression took its hold of him, and I am so excited to have him back to the way he was.
But I am apprehensive about the permanence of these changes. I know it will be an ongoing process, and I too, have experienced my own mental health issues, but I just want to know whether we can have a happy, fulfilling future. I love him so much, and want to enjoy so much more time with him.
I still feel hurt about how I was neglected during his depressive period, but I too, having dealt with anxiety in the past, know that the depression is a separate entity to him. He has promised that he will always keep on top of it, because we have something too good to lose again.
I do have to deal with my parents' potential disapproval of our reconciliation, but my heart is leading me to my ex and I cannot ignore it. I need to listen to what I want in this instance.
I would love to hear similar stories, or any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I just want my happy man back, and it is seeming like it could happen. He felt like my soul mate - I don't want to miss out on this opportunity.
I had a lot of things complicate my life and my partner was going through major issues in her life too. I had no support and she felt isolated. We drifted apart emotionally and things happened.
I hope you have both had assistance. I have had a lot of sessions with psychologists and am yet to work the demons out of my system, but my X refuses to get any help. It is easier for her to say it was all me. I wonder what caused your partner's depression? I became depressed when the absolute love of my life stopped looking me in the eye, stopped hugging me and stopped intimacy. Me being frustrated and angry about the lack of intimacy and contact made her worse, which made me worse which just made everything worse.
Relationships Australia have been so good to me, go see them, both of you together maybe? It is easy to fall back into old habits. Every day must be a conscious effort to not repeat the past.
Good luck, secretly I wish you to have it all again, just be aware it is too easy to end up back where you were.
Thank you so much for your reply.
His depression came as a result of an illness he contracted (to date, he has been suffering from internal infections for the past year). He wasn't able to work or provide for ourselves, and he just lost his zest for life.
No matter how much I begged, he would not get help until it was too late - we had separated.
But the care is still there, we would just need to start again and date and find each other again.
He is seeing a psychologist at the moment, and seems to be taking proactive steps to better his health to get on top of his medical condition. So there is the possibility of improvement on his part, but seeing is believing I guess.
And I acknowledge how this has affected me, so I need to be careful for the time being as well. All the emotional upheaval has meant that I too developed anxiety and depression (which is now only getting under control).
For the time being, we have also agreed to a break and ceased communication - to allow us time to process things, develop on our owns, assess what we really want, and not be a crutch for each other.
I think we would start off slowly and date/hang out as friends - really test the water again. And then Relationship Counselling may be beneficial. Because I can't go through what I did. I was torn up inside with how everything eventuated.
Did you go to Relationships Australia together? Or contact them individually? How does the whole process work?
Many thanks, your words are so greatly appreciated.
You are much further advanced than I thought, good for you. My X was supposed to come to the sessions together but when confronted with uncomfortable truths on her one and only visit, she lied then never went to another. It is very important you go together. You phone R.A and book, telling them it is for both of you. There is a nominal payment to be made. All the very best to you, you are looking for closure now, will it work or not, I wish you the very best and hope what brings you the most happiness is what comes.