Brother in law being so hateful and mean

[secondwife]

My brother in law wouldn't even speak to the kids at my father in laws funeral and has said such nasty things about me I think he is mentally ill. He destroys every family occasion being so volatile and if anyone dares to not agree with any of his ideas or opinions he flips out and starts a fight. Every Christmas he has done a runner in the middle of the night after behaving like a 3yr old throwing tantrums and taking back presents (he's 50). He sends vitriolic text messages to us then expects us to forget they existed. We got him help after a psychotic episode last year at our expense and have always showed him love and acceptance even if we don't agree with his lifestyle (he is gay and HIV positive).how do we deal with him as my mother in law needs all the family support she can get with my father in law passing away from cancer.

[Croix]

Dear Secondwife~

I read about your problems with child support and think that you and your husband have more than enough on your plates without a toxic bother-in-law.

Being a second wife does have its own problems, and I'd imagine one of these is feeling at times less part of the partner's family and therefore maybe being more forgiving and tolerant than you might otherwise be.

Trying to support your mother-in-law after the death of her partner is one thing, and you have not mentioned any problems in that area. Trying to accommodate someone who is full of hate and behaves in such a manner is another thing entirely. While it may well be he has mental health issues it does not mean his effect on you and your husband needs to be allowed.

It is a situation where you are powerless to improve him, paying for treatment was generous but has not worked and there really are no other avenues open to you.

How would you and you husband feel about not allowing him access to your lives, no longer being understanding but simply going separate ways?

Croix