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Broken heart not healing

Citygirlinthecountry
Community Member

Hi Everyone, I hope you are all havj bf a good evening.

About 4 months ago my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me which is something I've been struggling with. We were long distant as he lived in the UK but had been travelling back and forth seeing each other. He told me that he had gotten 2 interships over his summer (our winter) and therefore wouldn't be able to come over and he didn't want to wait until the end of the year. He said it was the most difficult decision and that it wasn't because he didn't love me. It absolutely tore my heart apart. I cut off contact with him to try and mend but about one month into that we started talking a bit. Our last phone call was just over 1 month ago and it went well -no fighting, being understanding and he was saying things like I miss you and if he wanted a relationship he'd be in it with me etc. About 2 weeks later it was my birthday and I didn't hear a word from him. I left it and haven't spoken to him since that last phone call. It was his birthday this week and it killed me not to contact him but I knew it's what I had to do. I thought he'd be having a horrible birthday (last year he was hear and I absolutely spoilt him) and I see he is in Europe having a great time which sort of stung. However I've seen he is in Europe and not at his intership which he said was all of July and so I'm feeling a little confused. My heart is breaking at the thought of him lying to me. My self worth has been compromised since the break up and I absolutely feel I am a horrible person.I work in the mental heath industry in a regional town and find it extremely difficult to talk to anyone about how I'm struggling as everyone knows everyone. I feel I can't talk to my loved ones as they just don't know what to say anymore and I feel like I should be over this by now. I've suffered depression previously (10 years ago) and I'm terrified to end up in that place. Some days I honestly don't want to be here anymore. But I keep getting up for work, socialise, have taken up a new hobby and try to keep myself busy. I feel I'm doing the right things but still keep feeling so low in self worth. I don't know if it's still within an ok time line to feel this way or if I need help.

Thank you for listening to me. If anything that helps me.

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi , welcome

You need clarity. You must find out what's going on because the cruel fact us that if you are being cheated the sooner you can grieve for your loss and form a new journey.

A few ways.

Employ a private investigator in you bf's area to confirm basic details eg to confirm if he us lying to you.

Fly there on a surprise visit. If you afford it.

The final idea is to accept that unless he provides you with the clarity you need, to not tell him you are going to go out with other people and simply enjoy yourself.

tearing your hair out should not be one if the options.

Take care. Let your head rule over your heart on this.

Tony WK

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello CGC, sorry to abbreviate your username, but yes you have to make a decision whether you want to be led on a false charade that he is leading you on, not knowing what he is actually doing or saying but trying and possibly only wanting to keep you as a friend so that he has somewhere to stay when he comes over, if this is so he's not someone you love anymore
There's a quote from Downtown Abbey that I always keep in the back of my mind, and it may seem to be rather harsh but that's not how I see it 'if you are successful you will win false friends but true enemies', so the analogue is if he doesn't really love you then it's time to move on, and good on you for taking up a new hobby.
To loss someone that you had loved is very disappointing, but while you still socialise the chances of meeting someone else is extremely high.
I wish you the very best but I hope that you can get back to us. Geoff. x

zodiacgirl
Community Member

hi citygirlinthecountry,

I really know how you feel, anyone in your situation would find it really hard too. From reading over what you've said, sounds like your ex does care about you, but doesnt want to hurt you, but is in a different place in life right now. I'm sure he knows you have a big heart and are sensitive (which I feel you are:)) and wants to make it easier for you, even though sometimes the truth is better, its hard for people to say it, especially when we do care about the person and know how much it will affect them. i'm glad you're keeping up with work and socialising, just doing these things and keeping busy just distracts our mind from thinking about it so much and we feel more positive overall. Take your time to take care and love yourself. I've been dealing with depression as well, and I feel events like this really trigger more negative thoughts than we're currently dealing with.

all the best,

zodiacgirl