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Broken heart looking for advice

Community Member

Hi all,

My girlfriend of two years recently broke up with me out of the blue. We had been living together for a year and in my eyes everything was going great. We had recently purchased some items for the house (blinds, washing machine), had booked a holiday in January and often talked about the future together. Her reasons for breaking up were very vague such as "I feel something is missing', 'I am not excited about the future' and 'we have lost our spark / chemistry'. She happily acknowledges we were best friends, loved each others company and had a ball living together. In my mind we had become a bit complacent living together in terms of keeping the romance alive but it wasn't anything that couldn't have been fixed and is quite common in relationships. Sometimes I wonder if she watches too much reality romance TV where the idea of love is sensationalised and isn't exactly reality.

In addition, there have been some other things happen in her life lately that have had a big impact on her. She lost her job 4 months ago and is unemployed. Her career was so important to her so this has been causing her a lot of stress/anxiety and she has said she feels a loss of identity. Also, she has had to get some facial surgery lately which has left her with scarring. She is extremely self conscious about this. I wonder if these events have caused her some depression and as a result she is pushing me away? She has pushed members of her family away previously when under extreme stress studying at uni and for the HSC (this was before I knew her).

For the moment we have agreed to give each other space and time to heal. We have said we are always there for each other and perhaps will be friends down the track. We have never broken each others trust, get on great with each others family and always have so much fun hanging out so in my mind we have the foundation of a successful long lasting relationship.

I am just absolutely heart broken as I had never had a single doubt she was the girl I wanted to marry and build a future with. Do you think her current life situation is impacting her thinking or has she just realised I am not the one for her? Any advice on what to do from here?



1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi JWR welcome

This grief is like a death and I've been through it 3 times, all over 7 years long. It never gets easier until...that right one comes along as in my case the fourth is spot on.

one only needs a few incompatibilities to end it. In her case not only breaking iff over frivolous issues but not giving you a chance to rectify them...which would have shown maturity.

I wouldnt want you to hang on hope nor create possibilities when little hope is there. The realisation that there is a unique bond has to be in her desire...no amount of reassurance will change her mind.

Id prefer you cared for yourself and that means rebuilding your life around others like friends and occasional dating. This distraction helps heal.

I wish you well.

Tony WK