Breakup with BPD

[Scg9383]

Hi guys,

Me and my girlfriend, who suffered from BPD, recently broke up. We were very serious for a while, but she consistently tore out my heart. She manipulated me to the point that I kept coming back, And In the process I hurt myself, my friendships, and my family. 

But despite all of the pain and cruelty, I still

suffer from moments of intense longing for her, even though I know it's better for us to stay apart. 

i loved her so much, and I put my heart and soul in to making her happy, but in the end

I only destroyed my self, and my only choice was to save what was left of me. 

But when I get lonely, I think of her, and somehow all I want is her back.

i know what I'm really longing for is love, but there is something different about breaking up with a BPD

sufferer. 

I wonder if anyone else has had a similar experience, and if you have found love again. 

I know it sounds pathetic, but I am feeling so lonely and removed, and I know if I let her back in I will be so much worse off In the end.

please help

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[CJs_mum]

hi and well done for putting that down in writing.
I know that feeling of wanting the other person so much very well, but in the long run you HAVE to do what is right for you. Its so essential.
Time as it passes and doing things to keep you busy (seeing other people, healing, talking, doing things you enjoy like going out with friends, getting outside or seeing a movie or taking up a hobby) will help
Its hard, but time will pass. I'm proud of you.
Peace on your healing journey

[Recentsurvivor]

I finally ended a 4 year relationship with my BPD diagnosed fiancé.i sent him to dbt therapy, psychiatrists every week for 18 months he was so nice when he was good that's why I stayed I felt so comfortable with him.he did anything I asked and gave me anything I wanted. But he kept getting violent out of the blue and for the last year a lot of time giving me silent treatment.i remember going out to dinner the 2 of us for my birthday and being ignored the entire night and no eye contact. As if I were invisible.the worst feeling. Then also towards the end if I tried to communicate how I were feeling I just got talked over and told I could speak when he said I could speak and he expected me to listen to him ramble on and get off track the topic that he knew I he wanted to avoid. Co sta fly walking on eggshells and blamed and ignored.then would t even let me have a bath in peace would pick the bathroom lock and urinate in front of me instead of using downstairs toilet. Constant " give me give me" after the final assault I went to police and got an avo. I did it when I were so emotional and exhausted. After 4 years I just feel so lost and empty and wake up at 4 am with nightmares but miss him terribly I can't eat, work ,sleep,nothing is enjoyable and he bank statement came in post last week that proved he has already moved on. I'm so confused.hiw could he beg and cry saying he loves and needs me and threats of suicide if I leave and goes on to a new partner in a week? He completed 18 months of dbt therapy so why didn't the therapy work? I just feel a shell of myself and are on antidepressants for the first time in my life. After all the misery he put me through I just don't get why I'm so empty and depressed.

[Guest_7403]

DBT is a lifestyle, you need to do it consciously everyday....if you choose not to use it then you will eventually revert to your old behaviour

[alexisonfire94]

Hi,

I can totally relate to what you are going through. I just ended a 5 year relationship with a BDP sufferer and the last year has been hell. He constantly changes his mind, is wonderful one minute and is then throwing a temper tantrum and spewing abuse the next. I have strained a lot of my relationships due to going back to him and now feel lonelier and more lost than ever. I just know that now that I'm 24, I need to get serious about my future and you do too.

When I feel lonely and like going back to him, I usually go for a run, dance to loud music, engage in some retail therapy or take a few shots and forget about him. The hardest part is that he still calls all the time, and I feel like I need to answer to avoid angry text messages and etc. They are extremely difficult people to leave behind.

Anyway, if anyone going through this ever needs to chat about it hit me up. I know how hard it is and I hope we make it through.

[white knight]

Hi Louie16

I reckon you could vopy and paste your post in a separate thread. That way you'll get more replies.

Google

Beyondblue Topic running around trying to save the world

For what its worth keeping in contact with your ex bf could be to your detriment.

TonyWK

[WA]

Wow reading this really is exactly where I am at right now... 😞 and i don’t feel like it will fade..
I broke up with my bdp girlfriend over a month ago and it’s painful. We were together for three years the last year or two consisting of constant breakups from her side then a week later would act like nothing had happened and I was the best person in the world. I was so confused and in a constant state of fear and anxiety about doing something to trigger her. I lost trust. as painful as it was I couldn’t get out. until now. When I decided I couldn’t handle anymore... but the crazy thing is I want her back ... like she’s the only cure.
She also had a boy that I was really close to and loved. So I’ve lost two people.
I still dream about them and think about them everyday.
I’m trying to detangle what was real from the extremely different people she was.. it’s so confusing!


It gives me hope that you got through it... I can’t see how at this point

[Guest_1584]

le'm wondering if many people actually know for sure if their partner was or is bpd, were they actually diagnosed or is it just what they've put together from reading around? Did the partner hassle them once twice , a few more , and the other has jumped to this conclusion or that - or was it real. So much self analise's going on in these days of the internet and info over load and it seems every second person is with a narc or a bpd , just bc the partner got a bit pissed , yes l have read threads like that many times in other forums. l'd also be wondering even about the op here bc he talks about loving her deeply yet 5mths and he;s cured and offering advice. But that's not loving someone deeply that probably isn't even loving someone really bc it takes a lot longer than hat to forget someone you truly loved and deeply , a lot longer again, yrs.

l'm not being picky or having a shot at the op or others l'm just trying to work out what is truly real when l l look for help and what's just flybyes and my reason is bc l was , was , truly in love with a bpd person , and it's well over 2yrs but their spell and will last much longer than that again yet . So l read thee threads looking for answers so that l too can forget and move on , finally , or find a way alternatively in making it work but then is that wise or even worth it. True love is worth what , how much , what price to you? All things l asked myself many many times and still do to this day.

rx

[No one on earth]

Hello randomx's, I understand what your saying all I can add to your question is that. I never understood how someone could completely fall under a personality disorder once. Well before I found out and started reading about cluster 5 personality types. I'm pretty sure my mum falls into the category and I have recently been in a relationship with someone who has had a narcissistic personality disorder. Through that process, I realized I knew a few people in the past who also had them and there are a few different types. It was part of understanding the psychology behind the craziness of these individuals of the past. I am now in a relationship with someone I am pretty sure has borderline personality and I am reading about the Similarities and differences in psychology between the two to understand more. I have been googling why you should leave your partner with BPD as I have a feeling that trying to help others with love won't actually help as that person does not know how to love themselves or others. A current theme that has sort of stood out for me because I think it holds like the missing link is "what part of me doesn't love myself enough that I need to feel complete with this person without having boundaries and standards" As I keep reading that If I asserted my boundaries and had standards I would not keep putting up with the terrible behavior. I could choose to not think this but I think I owe it to myself to have a look into it just because of my history with my mum and past boyfriends. That maybe I've been too eager to be in love with the wrong person.

[No one on earth]

I just want to say to everyone in this thread. That I know how hard it has been and that you have been through a lot. I think everyone has been tremendously brave and open-hearted to have gone through so much for the ones that you love. But you matter too and anyone that really loved you as much as you loved them would reciprocate this. It really hard to know the one that you really set your heart on isn't for you. And repeatedly you have to find out in the hardest of ways. You deserve a new life filled with the love you have tried so hard and struggled so much for. If you don't let go of this person you might not meet them and instead, you will be covering the old ground of hurt, eggshells, silent treatment, suspicious behavior, paranoia, betrayl all of these scream lack of love coming from that other person. They may have a good heart but they are not ready you must accept and look after yourself as you deserve to be loved and nutured. I wish you peace on your journey. Good things will come your way. You just got to take a chance to make a new future.

[Guest_1584]

Hello no one , l like that name haha.

l'm sorry l didn't see your reply back when don't think l even realized how old this thread was when l replied last. l wonder how the op has gone with time now. And how is your relationship ? There are bpd people here in the forum even married , some for yrs , but l think it makes all the difference if they've actually acknowledged it and gotten help, want help.

From what l've understood about bpd and my ex l'll add too wasn't professionally diagnosed in person, she wouldn't, but only via my description to a physiologist friend of mine and she warned me it couldn't be called bpd as such but only that yes it did sound it. She'd also said that they do love and can very powerfully at that, their ways and actions don't actually mean they don't love you anymore. lt's more a lashing out, an explosion of fear, emotions, self sabotage, get rid of you before you abandon them, a testing that's never satisfied and who knows what else. My ex did truly love, there was no doubt about that she'd shown that many many times in many many huge ways, not just affection or words.

lt's been a long time now and there is someone new but l do still think of her and hope she can find some peace. And l think l'll be looking for answers to awhile yet to, some sort of closure l suppose.

So how about you ?

rx