Breaking up / depression feelings rising

[p_lifter]

Hey guys,

I'm starting to feel really down about myself. I'm finding that I am getting really bored, looking for things to do and just looking to fill the void of a recent partner. I don't really have any friends and I don't talk to people other than my family (my sister and I are really close).

I have no issues socially interacting with new people, making friends or catching up with acquaintances, I'm just finding that I have no friends that would do that for me and ask me if I would like to catch up. It's always me making the effort and I never get invited out... so I always feel lonely.

I think I've narrowed it down to my ex partner, I'm currently writing this late at night and this would be our time spent together (she was super busy so we would always hang out at night) and now she isn't here I just feel so bored like I mentioned and that I have no purpose to fulfill (we were working towards moving out to the country). I miss her alot and I always want to talk to her but I don't want to invade her bubble since she doesn't want that with me anymore. I guess I'm just struggling coping with the loss of a lover and a best friend again and I'm finding it really hard to keep my mind straight. I think I've annoyed her enough telling her how I feel and what I want from her that I just shouldn't talk to her.

I'm a powerlifter so i exercise frequently, I work, I play video games, but nothing is taking my mind off any of it and I just sit there and dwell playing the video game or mid set at the gym. Each day that goes by I'm just getting more and more into a slump and no matter how much i talk about it with my parents or my sister it just feels like it is getting worse and I feel like the more I write the more my tone is changing and I'm really scared of falling back into what I was a couple of years ago when I was really depressed because I had a relationship end the same way and I don't know what to do anymore... to fix these recurring feelings and relationship issues.

[geoff]

hello, and I know what you are saying and feel sorry for you, and what happens is we always assume that because one relationship has ended we link that to being the same as our previous one, sure there maybe similar idiosyncrasies but every person is different, so we treat them to suit their personality, nothing like your previous partner, nevewr the less it's always sad when two people breakup.
When two people are married this also happens but you tend to work your way around it coming to a truce, but that still doesn't mean the marriage will survive.
It's difficult for you at the moment to be able to focus with no friends but more so the loss of the girl you loved and confided in, but does anyone ever know when we start to push the limits with someone we love, well not really because it just continues on until it starts to go too far with our partner and they 'I had enough'.
What I would try and do is contact her, maybe apologise but say that you are going to your doctor to get a referral to see a psychologist, so please come back to me.
I hope that she does reunite with you, then move to the country, personally I will never move back to Melb. as I much prefer the countryside. Geoff.

[pipsy]

Hi p_lifter. When two people seem to connect and form a relationship, initially the need to be in each other's pockets seem to take over and we can't be away from the one we love for long. After a while, however, the need to re-connect with friends becomes necessary. This doesn't mean we love our partners less it just means we have adjusted to our new life and the need for outside stimulation starts entering the equation. Often too, with outside stimulation, we find interesting things to tell our partners about things we experience. When we constantly live in each others pockets, talking becomes difficult as there is nothing to talk about. We can't tell each other different things as there is nothing to tell, they were there, therefore they know what we know. Geoff's idea about contacting her and telling her about your plans for getting help and apologizing for 'crowding' her is great. Yes, you love her, I don't doubt that, but we all need space to breath and experience different things so we can share these with our partner. If you can return to the gym and try to concentrate on 'working out'. Or find something that interests you, rather than staying inside playing video games, watching t.v, constantly thinking about what was instead of what could be, in other words, what I'm trying to say is re-build your life. Tell your ex (in time) what you are attempting, rather than having no conversation except how much you love and miss her.

Lynda

[p_lifter]

We spoke this morning about her moving to the country, nothing really interesting. The conversation is a bit bland on her end. After reading what you and geoff have said it makes me feel a bit better.

Maybe I just need some time to validate everything and then approach her with an apologie and how I'm tackling things. The move is only a couple of months away so I'm holding my breath I don't stuff anything up. Even if things don't work out I don't think I'll be upset just disappointed.

With all the work i'm expecting and with bush fire season approaching I think it should be enough to help me keep my mind settled until I come home.