Better off alone???

[Kid_in_denial]

Hi.

I have a lovely diagnosis of complex ptsd which was only formalised as of last week. I came out of a struggle with postnatal depression to a medication addiction and now fighting the hardest battle. My entire life on a plate. I have a very rocky relationship with my mother and when I decided to tell her about my diagnosis she told me she does not believe in mental health. She does not believe in therapy. She is ...... old and has been around longer to know more about me and about life. Then she hada weird scream and cry and left my house like it was her struggle.

I have always know she has poor insight with MH. I should have been diagnosed in my teens. She wouldn't have read the signs. I told her I need to cut her from my life as her opinion is not at all helpful and she cannot keep it to herself. I am mid 30s and she still comes to my house and treats me like a teenager. I have my own kids. I don't know if this was necessarily the first option but she won't come around and I think it is damaging for me.

Now my partner and I are at war as he refused to read up about it and it was insulting. He cannot see where I am coming from, just calls me self centred. I am the last person in my house who is thought about. I have actually become agoraphobic due to my poor self image and ability to cope with emotionally heightened situations.

Any suggestions?

S

[Kid_in_denial]

Sez,

Your life sounds a lot like mine. My mother will never change but I am living in hope that my own therapy will help me deal with her more efficiently. Today she tried to force another opinion on me and I said to her that I am happy to listen to her suggestions and opinions but it is ultimately up to me what I take from this and what I utilise. I told her how insulted I was that she said to me she doesn't believe in mental health. I then explained that everyone has a mind and that everyone has mental health - whether good or bad. She then yelled that no one has even asked if she is ok and stated that she is not. A cry for help, yes. However, I had to tell her that I know she is not ok but that if I ever mention it she just yells at me. I told her to see a therapist and she took it as an insult. Ended in another lecture about how seeking help is not just for the "mentally insane" (this is how she views MH I am sure) and that talking with someone other than me - who's opinion is obviously not credible, might be helpful. She then yelled again that once the doctor diagnosed my sister with asthma when it was just a respiratory tract infection. Gahhhhh. Then yelled that I have no idea what it takes to look after my mother with dementia as she is taking care of hers. I am an RN. I actually do know how hard it must be. Also not credible apparently. How do you help someone with no insight? Especially when you are unwell yourself. Don't even start me on the way she speaks to my poor grandmother....

I am glad you have the strong will and intelligence to stand up for yourself, and to know when to back down. I am clearly not there yet. Working on it. I am still happy to have a label despite whatever it means to others. I am slowly learning more about what it all really means. Even with my nursing training I still (like most I guess) am always learning about mental health.

S

[Kid_in_denial]

Blue Jane,

Yes my cup runneth over.

My son is progressing well. He is very intelligent and he is a gentle soul. He is coming into puberty soon so life is challenging with more than just the ASD. He handles it as well as I could expect. Must be hard living in his poor little head sometimes. Never stops thinking. He and my daughter are both prepubecent so they clash too. It is a bit chaotic.

I know so many people. I just feel like the circles always change and I am withdrawing myself more and more which makes me paranoid about throwing myself amongst them. I know now that it is my illness. I have gone through periods like this throughout my many many years and it only just makes sense to me now the reason I feel this way. I am moving house. I have thrown myself into it. I am hoping it will help break this cycle of hopelessness and moping. If I get up and get going with a change of scene then I know that I will be moving forward. Might relapse but I know how to help myself. I am feeling confident about change.

I am also weaning off all my meds at the moment so everything is raw. Stripping it all back to start the process from the beginning. Keen to see where therapy takes me with my amazing psychiatrist who is so knowledgeable and intuitive that I know I will stay afloat and have an element of control, who is now working in conjunction with my psychologist and bringing it all together.

Thanks for all the love and support.

S

[Kid_in_denial]

SMYN,

I believe that age is no boundary for learning and for relating or connecting with another. You sound as though you have been to some dark places. I guess this is the downfall to years spent dealing with mental illness. I am interested to know at what age you were diagnosed? Learning to get on with life without the acceptance of others has been, for me, a matter of understanding myself and my illness. It is all very new (late diagnosis) but it is all so old (I have known since teenage years that I was "unwell"). Learning to focus on one thing at a time and take things day by day - rewarding myself for small triumphs, has been difficult. The encouragement is greatly appreciated and I value all knowledge and advice given through this platform. Thank you

S