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Any advice on dealing with black and white thinkers?

Community Member

Hi all, I hope everyone is ok (even though you're here with me on this forum!)

I'm keen for some strategies for dealing with (maybe combating?) a very rigid, black and white thinker. Fear of putting my daughter into poverty and shame over my financial situation is keeping me in a 2BR apartment with my estranged partner for now. For him, everything is my fault and he is very black and white. How does one deal with these people best? Do I just use cold reason, hide emotion; I can't completely ice him out because I won't have that level of toxicity for our vulnerable five-year-old, and he rejects empathy; like literally says "I don't want empathy". If you have any hot tips, please share!

12 Replies 12

Hi white knight,

I am sorry you take it as criticism.
If you can see I am supportive of your advise I am just adding a caution on putting it to practice. I am not dismissing or correcting you. The but I am using is not a canceling one but an additional comment.
But I am sincerely sorry if I offended you.

I'm pretty black and white, and not on the spectrum. Being black and white doesn't mean I don't like emotions, I resonate with and prefer to know ppls emotions.

I would not say I don't want empathy, and am generally described as warm and open.

The term black and white doesn't Ave to coexist with being distant, cold or une,pathetic.

I think rude comments are rude com,entd, and separate from being a black and white thinker.

That's OK Motz. Thankyou. I hope we get to know each other better.


An example of black and white thinking that can cause problems is-

In Victoria prior to around 1995 was a traffic regulation that stated all pushbikes must be ridden on the road not allowed on footpaths. If you were a police person or local laws and saw a 4yo child riding on a footpath would you force them to ride on the road? That would be taking the law literally and not enforcing the law for its initial purpose... the safety of pedestrians that were far less threatened by toddlers on bikes.

Under 11yo road awareness hasn't developed. After that period they modified the law to state "under 12yo you can ride on a footpath".

For this reason "black and white" thinkers aren't ideal for law enforcement. Attitude of firmness, a look out for blatant breaches and a little reason is more ideal for those professions.