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Anxiety affecting my relationship

Community Member


The last 2 years have been quite hard in terms of my mental health. My dad got quite ill last year and I had PTSD from this for a while. It was going ok, but hen just over 12 months after he got out of hospital he got sick again and it bought everything back. Now I feel anxiety is taking over my life in other aspects.

I had a bad panic attack the other day and my coping mechanism is to retreat and hide away from the world, the issue is my partner; when he has a panic attack he feels it better to be around someone, I prefer to be on my own and he can’t seem to understand this. When we were discussing my anxiety he said “I’ll always support you and I love you but your anxiety is become an issue and it’s affecting us” this was not what I wanted to hear whilst in the midst of a panic attack. Even though he suffers anxiety, it’s like he doesn’t understand it, all at the same time. Sometimes I feel like he thinks I’m making it up. Perhaps I’m just being paranoid and it’s the anxiety talking, but I don’t know how to make him understand what works for me is not the same as what works for him.

If he truly understood, why would he say it’s affecting our relationship, to me it really hurt for him to say that and while he said he loves and supports me, it was almost like what he was saying that just because it was he right thing to say. If he really loved and supported me- surely my anxiety wouldn’t be an issue?

1 Reply 1

Community Member

Hi there. I had the same issue with my ex husband. We were married for twenty two years and I learnt really fast to fake it until I made it. This is just one option that worked for me while I was still able to function for a few hours a day. I would struggle through the day then at around three o’clock I would spring into action. Do the dishes the washing, get dinner prepared, out on some makeup and brush my hair. Now I’m not saying this is the answer but it got me by for many years and he was happier. U til I got really sick then our marriage broke up. But I had other problems at play then such as a highly stressful work issue and many other things. At the moment I have a very supportive boyfriend who says it’s ok to be a basket case, he’s just happy to have me around. This is nice but I still make myself spring into action and fake it tilyou make it mode in the afternoon. I think having that focus just for a few hours makes you feel less likely to worry about things which you can’t change, and to focus on small tasks. Also force yourself to do things like going out to dinner occasionally even when you don’t feel like it. My panic attacks gets worse when I’m ruminating around the house. Or what about downloading a free app of hypnosis or meditation. Give your partner a smile and say, I’m just going to spend twenty minutes working in my happiness. Regardless of how people feel towards someone who is not coping with your panic attacks, it is really difficult to support someone all the time, and your partner can’t be perfect all the time either but perhaps if he thinks you’re working towards improving your relationship and mood his mind will be eased also. Best of luck