Am i Obsessed with him this way?

[79yxcc8]

I found this advertisement for a hacker and i was able to gain remote access to his phone after because i just have the urge to since he had once cheated on me in time past and i cant seem to forget. i just want to know everyone hes with and communicates to. Be my guide am i too obsessed?

[Social_recluse]

Been there done that.

I would say its obsessive, trust is a hard thing to generate. Its a double edged sword if you look hard enough you will find things you dont want too at the same time you can find reassurance

[Croix]

Dear 79yxcc8~

Welcome here to the Forum. I'm afraid not all relationships go as they should and if one person cheats that is a massive breach of trust, as well as raising all sorts of self doubts and even anger.

It's fair to say most people can make a mistake -once. Hopefully they learn from it. I can imagine a case where a fling with another might make a person value their partner more. Sadly I can also imagine where it can be a pattern without resulting in that valuing.

Before looking for your self, by wahtever means, at your partner's phone consider what you want. I'd imagine someone you can rely upon and trust. I'm not sure just knowing what is on that phone is the best answer.

If your partner is genuine simply ask to be shown, don't give time for things to be removed, and see what happens. A genuine person will know they have to rebuild trust, and that this is a golden opportunity to start rebuilding it and will show you right then, as thoroughly as you wish, even hand over the phone and explain every bit.

While it is not foolproof I think it is probably your best option. If there is refusal then you would be justified in assuming your partner is not being straightforward with you.

My partner knows my password, I know hers. It is no big deal.

What do you think?

Croix

[geoff]

Hello 79yx, and a warm welcome to the forums.

Trust is paramount in any relationship and it can't go one way only, however, a certain compromise can be agreed on, but be careful not to give up what is important to you for the sake of your relationship.

Obsessions are these unwelcome thoughts, worries or doubts that you need to check his phone because you don't trust him, simply because he has cheated on you before, but if I was in your position, that's what I would be doing, trust has to be rebuilt because there is a big question mark here.

Sorry if I have upset you and please let us know how you are.

Take Care.

Geoff.

[Farfaraway]

Are you saying you have put spyware on his phone to see if you can trust him because he cheated in the past?

1st question, why did he cheat in the past? Was that and is that resolved?

2nd question, If he isnt doing anything behind your back, at what point, time frame will you remove the spyware and tell him you have been spying on him? If never, then you might as well walk away now?

I get why you may want to put spyware on his phone but its counterintuitive to a trusting relationship. He screwed up no doubt, but you took him back, if its an honest relationship why not suggest he put spyware on there so you can see everything. If he agrees, no problem, as stated above i have access and my wifes has full access to each others phones.

Relationships are a minefield though.

Trust is everything, you don't trust him, hence the spyware?

[Croix]

Dear 79yxcc8~

I've been thinking about your situation and eventually came to the conclusion that going thought your partner's phone secretly, be it once, or on a ongoing basis, will not really help, in fact would do harm.

I feel it will help perpetuate distrust, not only will you be in a never ending situation of needing to confirm all is well, but if he found out then trust would be broken the other way to.

As I mentioned before, talk, sayng how you feel and giving him the ongoing chance to rebuild that trust with an open phone is probably the best way to go. If he has nothing to hide there is no reason for him not to cooperate.

Do you think this makes sense?

Croix