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Am I being paranoid. is this a healthy relationship

jpcam
Community Member

I’ve been a bit more down lately and sensitive.

maybe because im hormonal at the moment.

i have always been so forgetful and i never intend to not do things to hurt people.

i usualy forget where i put my glasses or phone after a few seconds of putting it down.

ive had really rough relationships in the past where i couldnt voice out my thought or actions or do anything i wanted ot thought was right.

now i have this great partner who is good around the house and very good with my kid and always always. Who always wants the best for our future.

he is like the househusband and i appreciate him for that, people usually tell me why is he acting more like the wife.

But because he was raised a certain way around the house, Whenever i forget something he says ‘i should be more like this or that’ ‘i wish you where this or that’.

but i told him how that made me feel worse and maybe help me or tell me in a not condescending manner and so he eventually stopped those words.

i think now that he is fed up with me being so emotional all the time and picking up after a few of my shortcomings.

he has started to just not care and leave cupboards open all the time (literally al. The drawers and doors open at the same time) (not even i would do that because those are so noticable), shoes out in the way on the floor, dirty clothes hanging around EVERYDAY now.

to be honest those were things i would do just once in a while. I would never do things intentionally because i feel so bad whenever someone calls me out on it and i do fix it right away.

now i just feel hurt because i know for a fact that he would never just forget to do those things properly. And whats hurts most is that he is intentionally doing that to make a point and get back at me.

i might just be paranoid.

why is he doing that to me. it hurts because i would never intentionally forget to do things like he is doing now.

it hurts because, i feel like is that what he feels. Even though i explained to him i forget because i forget not because i want to piss him off by doing things a certain way.

i try not to forget and even after all the other good things i do. One little mistake i do feels he makes me feel like ive never done anything right.

1 Reply 1

uncut_gems
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi jpcam,

First of all, welcome to the forums. You've definitely come to the right place, and I'm grateful that you were willing to share some of what you've been dealing with at home. It certainly sounds like a tough situation.

Have you confronted your partner about these actions? If you have noticed him doing obviously careless and inconvenient things that he wouldn't normally do, I don't think you should write this off as you being paranoid. If this is intentional, it is highly passive-aggressive behaviour and not a healthy way to deal with this issue, though I would hesitate to diagnose the entire relationship as "unhealthy."

If you don't mind my asking, is this forgetfulness something you've lived with your whole life, or has it developed relatively recently? I think answering this question and finding out if it's simply your personality or some other factor would be a great first step for you to address this problem, and from there work out with your partner what an appropriate solution. What's not appropriate is making constant comments after you have told him how it makes you feel, or doing this passive-aggressive action.

Looking forward to chatting more and hearing a bit more about how you're going.

Warmly,

Gems