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Afraid, anxious and shocked by his behaviour

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member


I'll do my best to keep this brief.

I ended a relationship with a man (34 Yo) about a month ago, we were together about 5 months - so not that long. I asked for space and said I didn't want to communicate for at least a month. He has been texting me which i've tried to ignore (i feel bad by ignoring his tests or anyones for that matter). I ended our relationship because I felt he was very draining - he has a history of drug addiction, ADHD and some other very intense traumatic experiences. I was tired and needed to put myself first.

He's told me today in a message that he is moving to where i work, literally 500m down the road. I am so shocked and frightened by his behaviour in doing this. I am afraid that he will come to my work and look for my car etc.

He used to say "if you leave me I'll find you" and I always felt this was a joke, but i'm frightened. And anxious. I know I'll be anxious when I am at work - and be on the lookout for him.

I haven't replied and I don't know what to do. He constantly says he misses me, wants to see me and thinks of me all the time.

I need help, I feel pretty isolated and I'd love a nice man and relationship, but this is shocking to me. I have lost hope -

11 Replies 11

Hi Cleo,

please don’t blame yourself for not seeing the signs. Abusive people are very good at covering up their Avid reader personalities & imo get better at it the older they get. I was with an abusive narcissist for over 12 years He was extremely good at hiding who he really was from everyone & I only realised just how abusive he is a couple of years ago. Even then I didn’t want to believe it. He fooled everyone. And yes I will have trust issues with men for the rest of my life. But I believe there are good men out there. Good job on blocking him. Don’t forgot to block him on social media as well. Going No contact will help.

I feel like I am falling apart, all i want to do is cry and hide. I feel like a bit of a shell and there is no hope for me.

I realise his true self now, and I don't like it. I do blame myself for not seeing it now. And now he is moving closer to me!!

I feel like too I will have the same issues - i will not want anyone to come near me at all and I don't want to heal and pull myself together again, I am not sure I have the strength. I have been hurt by all men I have ever been (none have cheated) but there is a pattern. I don't see much hope for me in that department and feel i'll be destined to be alone forever. I am just so sad.

I am sorry to hear about your experience, you must have much strength.