Advice

[Eggy222]

I have  been with my partner for 2 years however over the past 6 months we have been constantly fighting about everyday things. Our relationship has been so tumultuous because of this and for a few months I had been feeling like I wasn't sure if I wanted to break up with him however whenever I mentioned this he would tell me if I did I would be alone and have no friends or support because he was the only one in my life that was there for me and that I would be a lonely little girl that would cry myself to sleep every night, so I would go back to how it was. My mum has also recently moved overseas for work, she was my best friend in the whole world, and so I was feeling so alone especially when my partner and I would fight. The last weekend I went to the party with all my high school friends who I haven't seen for many years- partly because of my relationship. It was great because it felt like the old fun times I remember from high school. At the end of the night I was extremely drunk (only saying this for contextual purposes not as an excuse) I kissed one the guys at the party I had known in high school. As soon as I did it I felt terrible and knew it was so wrong. I left straight away. I told my boyfriend the next day and expectedly he was so angry like never before. He said he hated me and that he was moving out and we were over. He stayed with his friend the next night. We talked but he called me every name under the son, which I know I deserve. Since I did what I did it has been like a light switch has flicked inside me. The pain I have seen from it and that I am also feeling is something I never want to cause again. I will never do it again and I have realised that my boyfriend is my person and that one stupid mistake hurt him so much, I have realised the extent of how much I love him, it is so clear now after so many months of confusion. He has agreed to give me another chance however he seems so distant and Im scared he will never trust me again. He won't kiss me. I am so anxious and depressed, especially as I have a history of diagnosed anxiety. I love him so much and know what I have done is so so wrong but I want to show him that it is not me. How can I continue and show him this? I understand it will take time for him to heal and forgive if he can but how do I proceed from here? How can I help him get through it? 

[white knight]

Hi Eggy,

Time is your friend. Time heals many things. You cant change the past. The only problem with "time" is that as individuals we all have different time frames. So what might be a long time for you might be a short time for him and visa-versa.

So we need to respect others time constraints. Of course we need to find out what they are compared to ours first.

Then there comes a time when we need to enforce our own time factor onto a relationship. This time factor is a period of time that YOU feel is enough for you to wait. If for example he holds a grudge for much longer than you think is reasonable then you need to begin to make plans to move on. Your relationship has many toxic tones to it and we humans cant wait forever. We are also talking about a kiss here, a moment of error and we are also talking about you having being honest 100% in telling him. Why he doesn't see that as honourable seems odd to me.

What you did is not commonly seen as criminal. How he is reacting and the length of time he continues to retaliate could be unrealistic and out of proportion.

Tony WK