Advice on how to help my husband overcome anxiety/depression

[___1]

I've known my husband for 4 years in which we are married for 2.5 years. My husband has been suffering with anxiety for awhile. He's a child survivor of cancer and was diagnosed in his early 20's with anxiety and depression. He was on medications but when I met him 4 years ago, he was off them. Lately, I can see his anxiety is taking over him. He's avoided many events and refuses to share what he's going through.

We are living with my parents/his parents (taking turns every 3-4 months), to save for a house deposit. This was something I was never comfortable with and wanted us to have our own space but he convinced saying buying a house is best for us. However, now he's really frustrated about where we are in our life as a couple and compares with our friends, who are settled with a growing family, house and advancement in career. I've tried to talk to him that everyone run their races differently and this was a decision we chose and we'll have it all, but now he blames me for us not being progressive.

My husband spends most of his time playing games and says it's a way to escape from reality and his miserable life. Most days, he doesn't go into work or calls in saying i'm working from home, but he'll be playing games. His boss has figured it out and now is more micro-managing my husband, which is making the situation much worse at home.

I do make it a point every evening after work, to ask him how his day was, if work was going good, is there anything he wanted to talk about but he just says nothing that concerns you, I have people who are more concerned about me. I do feel very embarrassed in front of his friends as I feel they think, I'm not being the a good partner to help him be better and be more motivated. On the days, his mood seems to be lifted, I suggest we should go for a walk or go to the movies, perhaps a weekend away but it results to another fight and him saying I don't deserve special treatment. I should just be happy with being in the four corners of our room. We just don't go anywhere, and he sits in bed playing games all day/night with no communication.

As a wife, i keep looking into ways I can be more supportive to him, but feel i'm failing miserably. He now blames my family and I for his situation but refuses to seek help when suggested. And now, his anxiety is making him become violent. And I'm afraid to approach him. I've spoken to his parents to seek their help but afraid things are going to go south.

[Archer19]

God Bless you for opening up.

My psych says men can suffer more due them not being able to open up, feeling like they need to be the provider, and be at a certain point in their lives by a certain time.

You are being an amazing support for him. If he does twang to seek help maybe you can and use that advice on him. Also a healthy diet, lots of water, and maybe his friends can get involved as well.. ask them to take him for a round of golf or something to get him into the open air.

My anxiety is severe at the moment but I force myself to do a few things and being outdoors opens my mind. Different sights ,sounds, smells. Using all your senses helps. And meditation too.

I’m on meds atm and about to start a new medication tonight as well. I don’t want to but my mind is in overdrive. Take care of you too. You are amazing.

Maybe ask him to do something for you, men need to feel wanted and productive. Also talk to his boss sincerely and maybe he can help too.

Best wishes🌸

[815]

Hi ~*~

I am so glad to hear that you have spoken to your GP and that you will be speaking to a counsellor. One of my husband's friends suggested that I do this in the hope that my husband would see me getting help would be motivation for me too. He also suggested that I get support from family and friends, as you have done by confiding in your in laws. For me, at the time, I was told that the steps I took to seek support, were too late. So I am glad that you have taken the initial steps already.

Although I don't believe that taking any form of action is 'too late'. I guess at the time my husband was in such a negative space that it was hard for him to see a positive in anything that I did. Sounds very similar to what your husband is going through.

If you feel up to it, please let us know how things go with your GP and the counsellor. Hopefully they are able to provide you some support, if not to support your husband, but at least to support yourself for the time being.

Take care.

[___1]

Hi CheeseDingo,

Thank You so much for your support! and thank you for sharing your story.

I'm truly grateful I have the support of all of you, and your encouragement has helped me look ahead and be positive.

Sadly, his friends see me as the negative impact on his life. They agree with him, so I haven't confided in any of them. I've been trying to take steps to look after myself. In fact booked myself a weekend away, just to clear my mind and enjoy doing what I love. My husband didn't take it too well, and accused me of spending money when we should be saving for a house.

Will definitely take your suggestion about having a White Board and listing out the commitments for the week.

Here's hoping, it something that will help us work to a better future.

Thank You

[___1]

Hi Archer,

Thank you for sharing. I'm so glad you are taking the steps to help you lead a better lifestyle. Please take care, you are doing great! I know it'll be hard, but surely small steps will help you bloom and overcome. All the best with your medications. Do let me know how you are going.

I'm so glad, that i'm able to go in this journey with you and my little support will help you. Thank you for your kind words. I feel acknowledged when I read that i'm amazing.

I have tried to ask my husband and share what i'd like, at times he is understanding but more often it's always that i'm selfish and spoilt, which hurts me, as I feel I'm taking steps to compromise to make him feel happy and less angry.

[___1]

Hi 815,

Yes! Will definitely share my journey with the counsellor. Sadly, I was able to get an appointment in a month's time, but have been checking in with my GP. My husband has noticed, that I have been keeping myself more occupied by going out for walks or even if it's just window shopping and not being locked up in the room with him.

As you mentioned, It's never too late to take steps to help our loved ones or us to be better. I'm hoping my small changes will motivate him to start small and lead a better life.

Take care

[Josephine77]

Hello may I please join in on this forum for support to for something I feel is similar to what I’m currently experiencing

j