Adult son will not speak to me
Our adult son has ADD he has a partner and 2 children aged 5 and 3.
His partner works full time we gift him money so he can be a stay at home Dad. We also bought him a car so he can take his children to and from kindergarten and school.
We have 2 daughters who don’t have the issues their brother has. So we allow them to stay at a beach holiday house we have ( I inherited it from my father) They are good girls work hard with their husbands and extremely grateful that they have the use of my fathers house during the school holidays.
Recently our son and his partner found out that our daughters are using the house. They already live at the beach about 40minutes from my Dads house. Our son asked if he could use the house also and we said no because he already has money and a car from us plus already lives at the beach.
He has dismissed this argument and has texted me a very nasty message saying that I have completely broken his and mine relationship. That I am manipulative narcissist.
I have asked our daughters if they view me like this? As I started thinking it’s really the first time I his life that I have said no.
So my question is should I respond to this text message or say nothing. So far I haven’t responded. My husband did ring him and ask him to come for lunch so we can sort this situation out.
My husband says he needs us more than we need him but that’s not a solution either. His partner I think is also pushing for a breakaway from our family because our daughters and husbands are quite successful with work education etc.
So maybe jealousy is there as well. I am so saddened by this situation as our son blames me constantly about his own issues. He was diagnosed with ADD in 1991 put on medication and he managed to get into Uni. He never finished a bit like jobs he would get a job but always got the sack eventually because he didn’t feel like going. He was and still is a gamer buys and sells bit coin..
The sadness is not seeing his children who we adore. So please help us as we are so lost with which way to jump.
Very frustrating for all of you and while I can understand a feeling of guilt I guess that is simply human nature , not deserved at all.
If it was me I'd try simply to keep the door open, so he has the opportunity to contact any of you without the worry it might be too late.
Do you think this is appropriate?
How you do this I'm not sure, the occasional birthday etc card perhaps?
As he has mentioned he has a psyicatrist he may be speaking he literal truth, he heeds to work though aspects of his thoughts and feelings before all else.
There is always hope, or so I'd feel in you situation