Abusive mother - should I ask for an apology?

[Maddy626]

Hi,

I'm currently caught up in a situation where my mother continues to send me abusive text messages and I have told her to stop because I am desperately trying to get through my studies, raise my 12yr old brother, and survive.

She has recently threatened to kill my cats if I don't return the cat I was looking after for her (the cat needed serious medical care (tail amputation and multiple broken bones) she also asked me to take the cat for her). When I visited her to talk about the cat she was upset that I have not 'gotten over' the abusive things she texted me (I can provide more information if needed). I'm very upset right now and I want to send a text message back asking for an apology. I also included a line (the text message has not been sent) asking if she actually loves me. Is this manipulative? Should I just not text anything at all? Should I accept that she wants to just move on and not push for an apology? I don't want to take the low-road, but after many years of this I'm exhausted and I want an apology. ... sorry for the rant, I'm not really sure who to talk to about all of this.

[Juliet_84]

Hi Maddy626,

I can understand your reasons for wanting an apology from your mother, something which you are in all reality deserving of given the abusive texts. However, like Croix, I agree that you will only get the response you want and deserve from someone who is emotionally stable and reasonable. And unfortunately that does not sound the case. I can see this situation escalating if you try and force the point and ending up somewhere you don’t want it to.
It’s a shame that you don’t have many family members who you can talk to about this. That being said, I think you may get more out of seeing a psychologist for your situation. I think that you will find it very satisfying to talk to a professional who can look at this situation objectively and validate your feelings, while giving you some insight into your mothers behaviour and how to deal with it. Have you considered seeing someone about this? It sounds like a lot to deal with on your own.