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Absolutely fuming...

Community Member

Hi there,

A little long but context is important...

A month ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. The pregnancy itself was fine, no issues or complications. At one of my prenatal appointments I discussed the fact that my living situation wasn’t ideal and was promised help via a hospital social worker.

For four months I was promised to be high-priority for housing, something I’ll admit I felt too proud to take but wanted as a temporary option for me and my baby so we could be safe until I got back on my feet. I felt good about escaping a domestic violence situation and overcrowding and looked forward to the birth.

Fast forward to 5 days after giving birth in a hospital with no visitors because of covid, having endured a 36-hour labour that was painful and needed medical interventions that terrified me, the social worker announces that the hospital can no longer keep me there and the house she found for me is deemed unsuitable so if I have no family to house me, my son would go into foster care.

I had no choice but to return to my parents house with a manipulative mother. She never congratulated me on the birth so I hesitantly sent her a message updating her about the baby. That same day the social worker announces that child protection workers have been contacted as a complaint was made against my baby’s father.

I 100% believe that she made the complaint along with my dad. They have no grounds to file one. In fact, I spent 10 years in a house with her while she drank herself stupid nightly, didn’t feed me and my siblings, verbally abused and manipulated us, refused to wash our clothes, assaulted my dad along with many, many other things. And her emotional abuse and manipulation is still happening.

I’m scared of her and I feel pure hatred towards her. Honestly, if she dropped dead tomorrow, I wouldn’t shed a tear. I hate how she makes me feel and I hate how angry and jaded I’ve become in what should be one of the happiest times of my life.

I’m not sure if others have experienced similar, but it would be nice if anyone could offer any ways of coping until I can leave and be free of both her and my dad. I really needed to reach out as I feel alone and severely depressed.

2 Replies 2

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Rihanna,

I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this, particularly at what should be the happiest time of your life with your beautiful new baby. Your mother sounds like a toxic individual, but the fact is that you need housing right now. So you need to think of this as a matter of survival right now, a means to an end. You need to come up with a strategy to minimize your interactions with her and come up with a plan to get you out of there as soon as possible. Once you get out of there you can cut all contact if that’s what you want, but just try and think of what you need to do right now

Summer Rose
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Rhianna

Congratulations on the birth of your son. Like you, I wish the circumstances were different.

Your inner strength is so admirable. In the midst of the most difficult life challenges, you have continually prevailed by making brave decisions.

Leaving an abusive relationship takes real courage. Returning to your abusive childhood home in order to stay with your newborn is a position no woman should ever have to face. Yet you have.

I can only imagine how difficult life has been for you. You should be very proud of yourself. Your son is so lucky to have such a pragmatic, resourceful and resilient mum.

I am sorry that you and your son currently find yourself without a safe home. I think it’s really important that you do a couple of things.

I would make an appointment to visit your GP to discuss your mental health, anger and sense of disappointment. You may find that you need some additional support, particularly until you can move out. You can also “vent” here anytime or call the bb support line on 1300 22 4636.

I also encourage you to keep following up with the social worker. Maybe something will become available.

Perhaps also try calling 1800 Respect and see if they can assist with housing. A call to the Salvos may also be worthwhile.

Don’t worry about pride. It’s okay to ask for help when you need it. When you’re back on your feel you can pay it forward.

I really wish I could do more to help you. Perhaps it will be a comfort to know that someone does care about your welfare and is wishing you and your son peace, safety and joy.

Kind thoughts to you