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Hello everyone. Some of you might have read my posts on the "Separating from the Other Woman Thread" which was started up by MallowPuff. I am in need of some insight and tips if anyone can help.

I am married with 4 children. Over the years I have felt lonely, bored, depressed and not supported in terms of housework and those types of things. Overall my husband is a good guy and he is a fantastic father. I cheated on my husband and he caught me about a year ago. We stayed together and tried to work it out. If I'm honest I didn't make much of an effort and I ended up cheating again with the same person. My husband found out a few weeks ago. At first he told me we were over. That very day we were due to drive from Sydney to Qld for a holiday. I had to pack the car up and take the children on my own as he refused to come. He was in a bad way. After being in Qld a few days my husband arrived. It was OK but he wasn't really speaking to me. I want to make the marriage work and provide a safe and loving environment for our children. My mother-in-law has told me that is what my husband wants as well but I have not seen any sign of that so far. At the moment we are only communicating by text. He texted me a few days ago and pretty much told me he hated me. I think he might really mean it. Every day he texts me demanding that I tell all of my family and friends that I cheated on him. He claims this will help the situation. The thought of doing that is mortifying. I am already struggling with the situation and deep depression which I am fighting every day. I have flat out refused to do it and explained to my husband that it won't help. I told him that exposing me to public humiliation and shame is not going to help with healing. I asked him to consider whether he truly believes that is a path toward healing or if painting me with the scarlet letter is more about him getting revenge. He won't listen to me he just keeps repeating the demand. I understand that if it will work out that it will be a long road and I need to be patient. My main concern at the moment is that I think my husband hates me and I'm not sure he can change that. The other concern is that there are no positive signs at all. He has not made one positive suggestion for dealing with the situation in a healing way. Couples counselling is one the cards but he just doesn't respond when I mention it. If anyone has some insight that can help I would be grateful

11 Replies 11

You've received some good advice. I hope it helps you.

This is just my opinion, so don't shoot me but once trust is gone, there's not much left. Sorry, like I said, that's just my opinion.

The one thing I'd like to add that might help you is, think very carefully before telling your friend. Friends can turn on you too you know and what will it achieve if you do tell her.

You're talking about it to professional people and getting help. I think I'd leave it there.

I wish you all the best and get help so that you won't cheat again either on your husband or worse case scenario, do it again to another partner.

I think it's really great how open to feedback you are, shows you're remorseful and want to fix things, it's really important your husband sees and feels that too.

I really hope it does work out for you 🙂