35 - SAD & LONELY

[wolfee81]

Looking for advice - I'm finding myself feeling very dissatisfied with my life as it stands - no girlfriend - a job that is always one step from ending and because of this, I am never able to get ahead - live at home with parents to save money - all my friends I had are gone and my job prevents a social life (day starts @ 3am so not able to stay up all night) I am also a very shy guy when I am around women I don't know which makes it very difficult to get to know girls when I meet them.  I have been diagnosed with depression but due to side effects of meds I have been off them for over 2 years.  I find myself feeling very angry a lot of the time and not wanting to be around people and that little things are setting me off.  I also am lot sleeping well and that contributes to my mood.  I don't want to go back on meds as they leave me feeling really flat and dazed.   I look around a see people happy and setting up their lives and mine just feels like it is slowly dying and so is my love for life.  ANY ADVICE??

[Fairywings]

Hey hope ur ok. This breaks my heart to hear this im so sorry that u r feeling this way. Depression is not an easy thing to go through believe me i have it and i too have to take meds just so that i can remain stable and allow my self to enjoy a good quality of life. Shift work is never easy it takes a toll i get it totally. There is nothing wrong with living at home with your parents to save money or living with them full stop. Sounds to me they love and support you and that is really the main thing. As far as being a shy sort of guy modest girls find that very appealing in a guy so please don't c it as a downfall.  There are many medications out there they just have to find the right one for you and what works well for you believe  me it really helps taking them.  I would try and c ur doctor or psychiatrist see if they can re evaluate this for you as it will help u create a sense of stability so u can start getting ur life back. There is always hope at the end of a very dark tunnel don't be afraid to get the help again it we ill really help you.  I hope that i have been of some help here if you need to talk xx☺

[Ponder]

Hi Wolfie,

Srry to hear your going though a rough patch at the moment.

I know what you mean about that meds. I feel the same way. Thankfully medication is not the only way. In fact, there are many alternatives; some of which actually help our bodies overcome the imbalance that's so typical of long term depression or whatever term we attribute to our imbalances.

My advice when feeling down, is to ask myself more than once - “are the issues I claim responsible for holding me back - are they really valid claims or is there something else limiting me?”

The girlfriend thing? The Money thing? The living at home thing?

Yea – it's a tough world hey. For me, I live with a wife slowly dieing from a debilitating disease called Multiple sclerosis, don't have a job and no longer in contact with my parents since my brother killed himself.

I only mention these things to let you know how I deal living under such heavy clouds – and doing so thus far off the meds.

World View. I have come to learn that most of the things this world teaches us that we need or do not need are in fact things I really do not need at all. Since deciding to come up with my own view, life has been much simpler and less painful.

If you want to attract someone to yourself, the best place to start is to become attracted to yourself. This kind of does away with the greater need to fill in the void by using other people. If your having issues attracting those you think you really need, then I would say that alone requires you to evaluate those needs. The best way to ease a burden is to put it down. We tend to cling to those things we pine over. Although painful and sad – it becomes a familiar, safe feeling to cling to. It's almost like having separation anxiety to think of the possibility that we don't
need half the things that keep us feel down – therefore instead of moving on, we just keep cling to these ideas we put in our heads instead of moving on. Moving on just seems too difficult, thus we cling to what we only know and or the reasons we come up with in our heads - Our World View.

Changing my view and reassessing my needs has helped me to keep overcome my personal challenges; the ones I mentioned earlier in this post.

Since doing so, I now find myself attracting more of what really matters, and what was once before considered as a limitation, is now only a challenge.  Medication has only ever kept me from doing what I must. It's not for everyone. I started walking instead. Bit like riding a bike – once you start moving, inertia balances things out. If things are the same ol same ol – try altering your stand … try shifting things around a bit. Reassess what's really going on and redefine those needs and reasons to which so many of us depressive cases so typically cling.

Apologises if none of this makes sense.
Just sharing what words for me.

All the best.

[Only_the_lonely]

Hey there mate, sorry to hear about your personal situation. Looks like a few factors in your life are getting you down. I would suggest target what you can change in your position, that is change jobs, change careers but firstly you have to start keeping yourself happy in your given situation. One thing we forget to do as adults and since leaving school is that you are solely responsible for keeping yourself happy, either by taking up a hobby, does not have to involve people, like reading books or playing cross-words.

Every morning, remind yourself that you are special and happy to still be with your parents and enjoy their company and glad that you have a job, and are physically fit to being independent. Dress up and then hit shopping centres, the gym and do things that you like, Don't be afraid to give complements to opposite sex, this is something that is being overlooked now days. Approach and provide and comment and walk away so that she knows you are not creepy. If she is interested, she may comment back or keep an eye on you.

Women like confident men, and your dress sense they notice more than you do so take time to dress up. It shows you are comfortable in your skin. That is why physical activity is important. A fit person gives the impression of being in control with diet and exercise and the ability to use those muscles when needed. Just by sitting up straight and walking without slouching your back oozes confidence in a person.

If you are not happy with work you can change that, you can change your wardrobe as well but most important is you have to re-program your brain into keeping yourself happy. Read up on gaining confidence and being positive in life. Take each day as it comes and try to enjoy little things like watching the sun set or enjoying the beautiful weather, or staying in bed when its cold and wed with a book and a cup of cocoa and biscuits. etc.

Its re-assuring your self that life is worth living and enjoying. Nothing is easy but if you want a partner, you will have to work on that, just like applying for a job and practicing interview in the mirror, you have to work on things in order to achieve that target. Let us know how you go in a few months, you are still young and able so go out there and seize the day!