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27 year marriage over - not coping

KerryW
Community Member

Hi I am on here because I am not coping. On the 5th December my husband of 27 years told me our marriage is over. He has been unfaithful with a lady in Vietnam and has been back twice to see her. I never even thought to not trust him when he travelled alone, call me stupid, I dont know. I trusted him with all my heart. It would seem now he has fallen in love with her and out of love with me.

I am broken, I am trying to function for my 3 kids and for my full time job but I cannot breathe. Anxiety is taking a hold of me and I cannot function. I have a Psychologist appointment this afternoon and I am unsure they help but I am just so desperate for the pain to go away. I want to feel strong again and in control but I just want to curl into a ball and not move. I want him to love me like he did, I want him to try and fix this with me so we can be a family again. None of this is possible though and that just crushes me.

How do I get through this? How do I stop from waking at night shaking and not being able to stop the vision of their relationship entering my mind. Even harder still I am protecting him and the kids don't know what he has done. Why? I don't know.

I just feel alone and like I will never be happy or whole again.

6 Replies 6

Bethie
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi

Your not alone. We are all here for you. I'm assuming your children are adults. If that is the case tell them what's happened. Your just being a good mum trying to protect them.

My parents broke up after 25 years and it was brutal. What your feeling is normal. Your grieving. Hopefully your appointment went well. Please let us know.

We are here for you as long as you need us and your safe here. You can call our help line anytime 24/7.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

KerryW,

What a shock for you.? As Bethie said it is normal for you to be feeling this way and you are grieving and this takes time. Everyone grieves the end of a relationship in their own way.

My partner's wife left him after 30 years of marriage to go off with her lecturer. He was devastated and took a while to come to terms with what had happened. Even now nearly 15 years later it still hurts a little but he has moved on and is very happy.

It has only be a month so you need to give yourself time to come to terms with what has happened.

I hope the psychologist can help you but it will take time.

This is a safe, caring and supportive place where you are most welcome.

You are a very caring and considerate woman.

Quirky

Quirky

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello KerryW, I am so sorry that this has happened to you, but when your spouse goes away without you, you naturally expect that the trust between you both would stop any emotional ties from happening, unfortunately now you are heartbroken.

My marriage ended after 25 years, and as it was for you, it was devastating, the reasons were because I was still depressed and self medicating on alcohol, but I never ever thought she would divorce me, but I suppose it runs in her family.

I don't blame her, but shocked, so I had to start living by myself, shop by myself and change all the documents, so my dog kept me company.

I decided that something needed to be done so that's when I changed my life around, I did a 360 degree circle and started to do what I never thought I was capable of doing and here I am.

Geoff.

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi KerryW,

Sorry to read your story. My husband and I have come very close to separating a few times but it has not happened as yet. The emotions you go though can be horrible just thinking about it, let alone having it happen to you.

If you don't mind me asking, I am just wondering what the logistics are right now. Is your husband still in the same house as you or has he moved out? Do you need to seek legal advice along with gaining the psychological assistance?

Do you have family or friends who can support you through all of this? Have you managed to tell your children yet? Do any of the children still live at home? If they do, they may well have picked up that something is not right.

Having had that trust broken in such a fashion must be devastating. One thing for you to remember though, this was your husband's decision and his doing. It does not mean that you are not a worthy person at all. He made this choice.

Hopefully sharing how you are feeling here will help you. Also hope the appointment went well.

Cheers to you from Dools

mummybytes
Community Member

Hi kerry

i am sorry I am struggling exactly with the same thing as you, I don’t know the answers either. I found out my husband of 30yrs was having an affair on 18th October 2017 . 2 days before my 53rd birthday. The day after I had a heart attack due to the stress of it all. He has left myself and 10yr old daughter and we have not seen him for 3 mons. he is being emotionally and economical abusive and threatening. He was having an affair since early August and he has a history of depression and the girlfriend has biopolar. I am struggling having anxiety attacks and financially don’t have a cent as was cut off from family business

Leonie230
Community Member
Oh my God, Kerry. This is just awful. This happened or very similar happened to me. First step, dr! Get something to sleep. You'll need sleep to function. Youre probably still feel like youre having an outta body expierence but to get you through this first part youre got to see your dr. Please respond again. I just signed up after reading your post.