verbally abusive ex

[stoneguzzi]

I was with my ex for 4 years, the start was fine, he was like any other guy but after the first year or so he started calling me names, it got worse as time went on, I guess he knew I wouldn't leave because he kept getting away with hurting me. He always made me feel like it was my fault whenever we would argue it was always over something pointless like cold coffee or burnt toast he would go off at me because I didn't make the coffee right. When he was mad he would call me a mutt, would swear at me, call me an idiot called me ugly once because he knew how I felt about myself. Would say "no wonder you have no friends" put down after put down and after hearing so much of it you begin to believe it's true, you feel worthless like you have no one. I had to start seeing a counsellor because I got depressed my doctor diagnosed me with mild depression and severe anxiety, he knew I had anxiety but would still try to make me feel like the worst person in the world whenever I didn't do something he wanted me to or didn't do something right. Almost into 4 years together I decided to leave I wasn't happy and had thought of leaving for a year it took alot for me to finally stand up for myself and leave. It's been about a month or so and he talks to me everyday says he'll change, asks for another chance asks to see me, when I don't feel IIke talking or don't reply or say no to seeing him the abuse starts and even threats. I've been sworn at, told to go die, I'm not aloud to return to collect the rest of my belongings if I do watch outhe I'm also heartless. He will abuse me over the phone and hang up then ring Back seconds later. I haven't changed my number because I wanted him to be able to talk to me I didn't want to hurt him anymore then I already did by leaving but I didn't expect this. I'm stuck. I just want to get the rest of my belongings change my number so I can move on but I don't think he is going to let me

[White_Rose]

Dear Stoneguzzi

Hello. What a lot of abuse you are putting up with. I hate to say this but you are allowing him to dictate your life.

No need to change your number. Just block his calls. Most phone can do this. Similarly with any emails he sends. Put a block on them. Take someone with you to collect your belongings. If you have your own key, go when he is not there. If not, ask the police to go with you as he has threatened you.

Does he know where you live? You may need to change your address but first take out a court order stopping him from approaching you.

I put up with this for 30 years. Stupid, stupid me. I had four children to care for and was convinced I was incapable of caring for them. No prizes for guessing where this idea came from. A years after I finally left I fell into the worst depression. Well I say worst. Never been depressed before so have nothing to measure it by, but the psych said it was a major depression.

Had I left earlier, before all my children were born, maybe I would have managed so much better. I still have the emotional scars and they will never go. He is still around because he attends family gatherings and there's not much I can do about it.

Block his access and take out the court order if he persists. If you return to him, or allow him to talk to you, the abuse will continue. Men like this do not change, they only get worse. And you will become more and more depressed, loose your confidence and believe you are totally useless. It may well escalate to physical abuse with a real danger of harm to you.I say this as though physical harm is the worst he can do. In my opinion he has already severely harmed you. Emotional harm is cowardly, more so in many ways than physical harm.

Don't let this happen to you. Please get him out of your life. Please write in again.

Mary

[pipsy]

Dear stoneguzzi.  Does your ex abuse you in front of others, or is he 'sweetness and light'.  If he ill treats you in front of others, he's not worth losing sleep over.  Everything Mary says, I back up 100%.  If he abuses you behind closed doors and falls all over you in public, you have a narcissist on your hands.  Either way, break with him, completely.  Change your number, make it silent.  Try and get a restraining order, this will at least pull him up.  You may need, as Mary says, help in getting your things away from him.  If you don't, he could (not saying he will, but he could) go to a lawyer and try and make you pay a 'storage fee' for 'holding' your gear.  While he's got your gear, he's got a hold over you, don't kid yourself he loves you, he loves one person, HIM, you are a possession, pure and simple.  You've left, how dare you, you should have begged his permission to leave.  Mega-maniacs work like that.  They are people who thrive on power, the more power they THINK they have, the more they want.  You initially gave him the power, now whenever he wants to he'll use it.  Take back the power, take back your life.  Ignore him, honestly, he's not worth it.  You will need the police to help you retrieve your gear, he may get violent.  Just because he possibly hasn't, doesn't mean he won't if he thinks you're getting it 'over him'.   the sooner you get your gear and end your nightmare, the better for your health and well-being.

Good luck.

[geoff]

dear Stoneguzzi, boy you have been in such a horrific relationship, and the only reason why he won't allow you to get what ever you need from the house is simply because it's another way to control you.

I realise that there could be valuable items that were given to you over the past or items you have bought for yourself that you treasure and want back, but please under no circumstances never ever go back to him, because it's the same old 'bashed wife syndrome

[geoff]

sorry my computer isn't working properly.

dear Stoneguzzi, boy you have been in such a horrific relationship,
and the only reason why he won't allow you to get what ever you need
from the house is simply because it's another way to control you.I
realise that there could be valuable items that were given to you over
the past or items you have bought for yourself that you treasure and
want back, but please under no circumstances never ever go back to him,
because it's the same old 'bashed wife syndrome where he abuses you
either or both verbally and/or physically and then buys you flowers to
make up, but then it starts again.It wouldn't surprise me if he
has changed locks so that you won't be able to sneak in when he's not
home, but you will have to go to court and ask the court that you want
all your personal items as well furniture back, but ask the court that
the police accompany you when you go, so that arguments won't happen.If
you are getting centrelink payment then go to 'legal aid' but it's a
slow process, so I wonder how valuable all these items are to you, or
take it as some bad relationship that won't happen again.Op shops
can donate clothing and furniture to you and the sooner you get away
from this creep the better, where you can block any contact by him.It's
4 years which you never thought would belike this, but we never know
because once we meet someone it's all fabulous until the days expire.Your safety is our priority and I hope that ypou can get back to us. Geoff. x