The day I lost my soul

[Guest_7403]

6 years ago today an event occurred that changed my life forever.

I went to work, and 18hours later when I finally walked out of that place I was never the same again.

Looking about at the person I was before it, and who I am today....I can only describe it as losing my soul, the guy I used to be ceased to exist.

I've lost so much, my home, my life, my drive and any sense of happiness or enjoyment in the short journey of life.

I'm resigned to the fact that I'm never coming back, no treatment, medication or self will can ever remove this pain I live with daily.

Everyone I know tells me that they believe in me, they believe I'm still inside and they believe that I can overcome this.

But they're wrong, the person I used to be could of overcome those things, im not that person anymore.

No one seems to understand, it's like my mind and soul left my body that day...but my body kept living.

There's no better life in the future, just more days of pain and suffering. I didn't ask for this to happen to me, im not a religious person but I find myself asking god did I do something in another life to deserve this punishment.

For someone whose job was to lock evil up to protect the innocent, I am now a prisoner inside my own mind. Yet, there is no key for this door and no one can hear me screaming to be let out.

I look forward to the day I see that light shine through the darkness and im finally at peace

I'm not at risk, it's just a very hard day for me.

[jtjt_4862]

That's certainly rough man, I'm sorry to hear that. It feels like you did not get any closure from your wife as to why she had decided to leave you, and taking your daughter away as well. That must've really hurt you deep, as you feel you've been thrown away just like that, without even telling you why you're being thrown away.

If I may share a different perspective for you to consider, perhaps this is an opportunity for you to start fresh. I'm not sure if you were able to find closure within yourself from your past failed relationship, but we can seek peace and tranquility within ourselves by forgiving and forgetting. We're forgiving for the sake of letting go of the past, rather than excusing the hurt that the person has done to us.

We're all born with flaws, whether it's selfishness, or ability to hurt someone else, we're all imperfect in many ways that makes us unique. So rather than hanging onto the thought of how someone have hurt you, learn to let it go, understand what the experience have taught you, and learn to accept the nature of human beings. We are all born and raised in different ways, with strengths and weaknesses that in a way, makes us unique from each other, and that includes you too.

[Petal22]

Hi Guest 7403,

How are you?

I just wanted to post this to you….

I forgive people

it doesn’t mean I accept their behaviour or trust them again, it means I forgive them for me, so I can let go and move on with my life

Guest 7403,

I understand the things that happened to you in your life have caused you a lot of pain….. but please try to forgive and let it go….

This will bring you PEACE…… ❤️🙏

[Guest_7403]

I honestly can't win

A lady I seen a couple of times couple months ago reached out Friday....so went over for a chat at her request.

Ended up sleeping together, she told me she wants to try with me....and I questioned her as last time she only wanted fwb.

She told me not anymore she wants more as she missed me, missed our chats and kept wanting to see me.

So I figured cool...give her a shot....been messaging heaps and she wanted to come over for a dinner tonight after work.

So I clean up, go and get stuff at the shops to make the meal she asked for....and 30 mins before coming over....she messages and says she's not coming as she's not sure what she wants.

Its just soul destroying, I don't know why this keeps happening to me. I told her before meeting on Friday night I wanted more than sex....I don't want fwb....she assured me she was the same....otherwise I wouldn't of gone.

No wonder I have so many trust issues with wemon now....its  soul destroying I just want to start smashing the walls of this house I'm so frustrated I want to scream!!

[Petal22]

Hi Guest 7403,

Sorry this happened to you it must feel very disheartening…… I understand……..

Well Guest 7403 maybe she isn’t the right woman for you……… just try to let the situation go…… and move forward….. hold your head high…

The woman’s behaviour is a reflection of her! Not you!

You will find the right woman for you……

Try to do something nice for yourself….

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Guest_7403,

Sorry to hear about that man... That really sucks... You deserve better, and hopefully you were able to move on and let go of her.

Jt

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Guest_7403

Man, this sucks. I can imagine how disappointed you must have felt. And frustrated. And angry.
She mentioned she didn’t know what was she wanted. As frustrating as it sounds hope you will see it this way only and don’t take the whole thing personally. She might have her own personal issues and you were just unfortunate to happen to be at the receiving end.
As hard as it is try to not project it on all women as not everyone behaves this way. I imagine though, this might sound a bit empty for you atm having just gone through such a disappointment.

Take care there.

[smallwolf]

I read your latest post and the replies you received and admit I don't know the full story...

I would also be sad, angry, frustrated about the whole situation as well. After all, you went to a lot of effort for the night.

As "Learn to fly" said ... she may have her own issues to deal with. She may be scared about what was happening and implications and could only tell you at the last minute.Some people with anxiety issues respond like this. I know I have.

I don't know if you had deep(er) conversations with her about what she was looking for and perhaps and opportunity to find out and (a) get some sort of closure, or (b) work out what she wants and perhaps a way of moving forward.

Listening and reading, Tim

[Guest_7403]

There's no point in trying anymore, im so exhausted and defeated by life.

That light becomes fainter everyday...its barely visible anymore.

Feel like an hour glass, and the sands falling faster and faster.

[Petal22]

Grab onto something Guest 7403……. The best is yet to come…….

Look for something positive in each day even if you have to look a little harder some days ……. 😊💪

[Petal22]

Hi Guest 7403,

How are you today? You are such a resilient person with every challenge we are given in life our resilience builds…….. try to look at challenges with a new perspective…

Just some thing I want to share with you:

You are not Everyone’s Cup of Tea

The world is filled with people, who no matter what you do, no matter what you try, will simply not like you. BUT the world is also filled with those who will LOVE you fiercely. The ones who love you: they are your people.

Don’t waste your finite time and heart trying to convince the people who aren’t your people that you have value. They will miss it completely. They won’t buy what you are selling. Don’t try to convince them to walk your path with you because you will only waste your time and your emotional good health. You are not for them and they are not for you. You are not their cup of tea and they are not yours.

Politely wave them along and you move away aswell. Seek to share your path that recognise and appreciate your gifts, who you are.

Be who you are

You are not everyone s cup of tea and that’s OK….

😊