PTSD for Medical and First Responders

[A_Tech]

Hi,

Well obviously this my situation.

I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others).

Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management.

I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat.

Cheers ✌️

[TrailRunner]

Hey Kid in denial,

im also an ed nurse Dx with PTSD almost a year ago. I took 4 or so months off. I had no interest in returning to any other work but ed.

I slowly returned to work after my Dx as supernumerary through a workcover return to work program. Being back in the ED was really hard, I began to get almost comfortable again but the management support dropped off and I was hitting rock bottom weekly.

I've moved over to clinical risk management (an interest of mine but didn't think I'd be in this work for another 10years!!) being back at work has been good for me at times, but the type of work you return to is really important. And it's not a decision to be rushed.

What do your clinicians think about your return to work?

T.R

[Kid_in_denial]

Hi Croix and T.R.

Thanks for responding. To answer you both - my boss is not approachable and does not know about my diagnosis. I was diagnosed only 3 months ago and have been on extended maternity leave (unpaid) and have avoided all contact with any management at work due to my postnatal dx and the fact that I had lost the desire to explain myself to people I feel have no interest in my wellbeing. The fact that one of the staff who took their own life recently had a long known struggle with PTSD makes me hesitant to speak up. My boss and I have clashed since day one. She likes yes people and I am not one of them. She is also very patronising and toxic in my eyes. There are lots of other supportive staff, I think I miss them most. Unfortunately there is a pecking order and the good people are all at the bottom. I am not sure I could handle coming back feeling like a new grad again.

I think you are both right. Working is important and study will show that I am keen to progress, but where I choose to go is going to be detrimental to my health and wellbeing. A good friend of mine has PTSD from a war posting with defence. She started uni with me but could not complete it as she became unwell under all of the stress. She has since walked right away from any traumatic work settings and is still really struggling. Not to compare myself to someone else - I know we all cope differently, however I don't want to push myself into life and get thrown on my arse.

I understand it is important to have good help, which I do now, I am just worried that I am never going to find my feet again. It took me so long to find a job I loved and could tolerate, and now I have to reassess and start again. Maybe I am just not ready to take this step? I feel as though I can't get up and do things but I cannot sit here and go around in circles.

Did either of you find transitioning to different jobs hard? I think finding something you are good at and then being forced out if it is so disheartening that it will be hard to motivate one to jump into something new.

Can I ask, T.R, was your PTSD caused by your job? Mine was not but has been exacerbated by it. For me there are more than just front of the line trauma associated triggers. Does that even make sense?

S

[Kid_in_denial]

Sorry if my posts sound a little bit monotonous. I am not sure anyone has the answer to my questions and I know no one can decide for me. I'd just really like to know how others have dealt and hear some stories in hopes that there will be something I can take from all of your experiences to help make mine a little easier.

Appreciate all the disclosure. I am having so many troubles in all aspects of my life at the moment that it feels like if I throw myself into something then maybe it will help break the cycle. I don't know.

[MarkJT]

S, from what i have read you certainly know what you are doing, i.e. engaging with clinicians, knowing that going back to work early can be detrimental, putting work on the back burner etc.

Those are all really good decisions and ones that i tell people when asked. I add that even though you may not get back to the job you love (what ever industry the person is that i am talking to), your health is number one. Without your mental health, the rest of life becomes seriously difficult.

I to loved the adrenaline of active jobs but am at peace with knowing that they are now a bygone era for me.

Your posts are not sounding monotonous at all. To me they read that you are working through decisions that have to be made with the input of others.

Mark

[Kid_in_denial]

Cheers Mark.

I guess to me it seems a little monotonous because I am stuck in a fog. Making decisions is kinda of a long process of questioning myself and attempting to utilise helpful advice but I go around and around in circles.

I also think that because my life feels so bleak right now that the idea of giving up something that was exciting is a lot to take on board. I don't feel important enough at the moment so giving up on an important role is overwhelming. Maybe I need some kind of guidance counseling to give me some ideas. Maybe things will come together soon. At the moment it is 2 steps forward and 1 back, suppose that is progress.

Thanks for the wise words and for being so kind. I love this community.

S

[MarkJT]

S, key words for me there are "2 steps forward and 1 back"...that is a truck load better than 2 steps back and i forward. This is positive.

I remember the time when i could not even make the decision of the chicken or the beef for tea but slowly, as time goes by, the brain fog lifts and my decision making ability improved.

You taking the time to make a decision is a good one, do not doubt yourself there.

When you say you don't feel important enough at the moment, is that in a work sense or a life sense?

Mark

[Bilbo22]

That So many ptsd posts centre on the need for a good GP to chart the treatment course is incredibly healing for me. 15 years of misery ticks over soon. My expectation was to be burned, broken and destroyed when I surrendered myself to the flames of my particular disaster- but it was the jealousy, ignorance and contempt from the hospital, state and profession that provided the " twist "that defines torture. Having enjoyed the best of all therapies- I can say-like the fascist victim - " he who is tortured remains tortured forever" no longer homeless and unemployed- 2 am and I've just kissed our beautiful kids 5,7 and 9. My wife is sleeping in another room. I'm too volatile during these weeks. I long for her comfort. I grind my teeth in pain. This anniversary will be over soon and I will return to myself. I will be there for my patients again- the rare privilege of their lives . My ever loving children will resorb fathers love and attention while j, my wife, .. her woman's love .....bucks understanding xo

[Kid_in_denial]

You are right, Mark. It is a positive. I just have to remember to stop being so hard on myself. The importance is as a whole at this stage. Because the postnatal struck me down so unexpectedly and then spiraled into my mental health issues hitting the ground running, I have been useless. There have been days where I couldn't even get my kids to school. The maintenance of my home has slipped because of my inability to care (although I did care but was highly unmotivated to do anything other than mope). It is the most unwell I had ever been in my life. I am, thankfully on the other side and on the up - however when you are getting better the expectations of what I should be doing become higher, by my standard and others. I am currently packing to move and I am throwing away most of our belongings and even though it is stressful at the time I feel at peace by bed time. So to me there is another positive. I am still not back to being "well" and I think focusing on one thing at a time and taking some time for myself, as previously suggested, is a must. Cheers for all the reassurance.

Hi A Tech,

I am not sure I understand your post. Might be because I am feeling a bit foggy. Sounds like you're having a bit of a hard time. Is this a support issue? Anything that keeps us up at night is exhausting enough without adding the sleep deprivation it causes. This community is extremely helpful and supportive if you are in need of some advice or just to talk to someone who gets it. Feel free to come back and have a chat.

S

[Bright_Bubbly]

Hi Mark and all ...

I'm pleased to have found this thread. I've only just linked in.

22 years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD, Clinical Depression, Anxiety Disorder and was acutely suicidal. Luckily for me that time in my life was also the beginning of my healing journey - at 40yrs of age.

I was hospitalised, medicated, linked into the health system and eventually found my way out the other side. It was a long slow journey with both professional help and self help. I went back to school and got an education. Studied Psychology, Psychotherapy and other therapies in order to understand myself ... Very long story and too much for now ...

Being a volunteer fire fighter - I had a bad accident on the Fire ground two years ago. I'm still recovering the physical injury. It was the reigniting of the mental trauma of those past events that shocked me the most. I thought I had fully healed from those earlier episodes ... but being incapacitated and vulnerable all over again triggered my past trauma. This time though - I had developed the coping skills that allowed me to reach out for help. I called LifeLine and spoke to a Councillor. Went to see my Dr the next day... it took me several months to agree to go to see a therapist but I eventually did. This time I went to a very good Somatic Therapist. After about 15 sessions of delving right into all the hidden corners of all aspects of my earlier triggers ... I came out the other side again - healthy, happy and whole again.

I can now trust myself to know that if anything decides to surface again, that this time I know I'll be able to cope with it and seek the help needed to get me through again ...

My reason for posting is tonshare that There is hope. We can get through to the other side xx

[Kid_in_denial]

I meant billbo, not A Tech. Misread the start of the post.