PTSD after hospitalization when younger

[feelingblue111]

I was 16 when I was put in a mental hospital for 3 days

I'm now 29 and it has left me really traumatized still

The amount of dodgy nurses and doctors being dishonest left me feeling hopeless

I don't know how to move on

I was feeling suicidal after experiencing sexual abuse

In the hospital I was under supervision for 24 hours

So having someone watch me go to the toilet and shower made me feel even worse

I asked the nurse if I could say something to let them know I'm okay so I could go to the toilet or shower properly and they agreed but they were peeking through the gap in the door as I wasn't allowed to close the door

The way I overcame being suicidal was knowing that their is a place worse than death

They didn't provide counseling inside

Your basically left in a bed all day with nothing to do

You would go more insane

One of the nurses said to me give me your phone

I said what why

He said just give me it

I said you can't take my phone

I asked him whats your name I want to complain about you

He said whatever

I told another nurse about him and he was the one peeking through the hole while I was going to the bathroom

I just wish they were honest instead of lying

They might as well had someone watch me instead of being sneaky

I was more angry that I kept getting this nurse after telling other nurses about this dodgy nurse

I keep getting flashbacks and reliving this period of my life in my head wishing I did something different

I was harmed by other patients and left with dodgy nurses

I was 16 and in a mental hospital with other adults

[monkey_magic]

You can still work while being on the DSP...

Even if it's just once or twice a week.

Good luck.

[feelingblue111]

No it's a trap if you work
If you work one or two days or even 29 hours below the 30 hour threshold
You would be put up for a review and get taken off the dsp

[Guest_1643]

Hey feelinblue111

I just wanted to tell you you're not alone.

i was in a therapy group where a psych assaulted a patient (not me).
Although I wasn't assaultd, it made me feel very unsafe.

I tried to complain to the board but it wasn't my complaint to make - she had to, and she didn't want to....

I was jut wandering what state you are in? Some hospitals do have good services now which are trauma sensitive - but its very hit and miss.

You deserved better and I believe and feel for everything you went through

[feelingblue111]

Nsw. I shouldn't even have being in an adult institution

[Guest_1643]

I agree 😞 maybe they don't know how to keep kids safe in some places, don't understand that their needs are different. absolutely unacceptable.
It wasn't your fault - it's nothing you did which led this to happen, i identify with ur story a lot and understand the effects many years later..... i' so sorry it was so rough

[feelingblue111]

They never even addressed why I was suicidal

They just asked me do you feel like hurting yourself

If you say yes then they keep you longer and then they don't address why you feel that way

If you say no they still keep you because before you felt like you did and you need to explain whats changed

But how does the mind get better by being in a mental institution and having nothing to do and being in fight or flight mode because you have to watch your back all the time

[monkey_magic]

Hi feeling blue111,

I totally agree with you. How are you supposed to get better?

I certainly watched my back 24/7.

I would recommend seeing someone on the outside, group therapy, specialised therapy etc.

You needed calm, understanding, and support.

[Guest_1643]

Hey Fb - i hear you

i also agree with Monks's response

it seems it wasn't helpful to you and also didn't let you heal... you didn't get your needs met and you wanted to be safe and secure. they should've listened to you and helped you.

I just want to give you strength to know that there are some places that will provide trauma sensitive and age appropriate care, and I am praying and hoping that you find something better, that helps you and doesn't hurt you.
You deserve it