Is my mum a narcissist?

[24yearoldgirl]

I have been caring for my mum since 2010, when she had a head injury..

the past few years we have been living in a tent.. she drove up and down and all around the country like a physcopath. It damaged me big time. But I never left.

It was the night before my birthday, and she grabbed my wrist and said she felt like hitting me because I wouldn’t shut up. She thinks it’s not abusive.

I am now going to court to defend her from her dvo.

she complains that her life is ruined, but I’m 24 and have not had a single friend or dad or any family at all apart from her.. I’ve been completely isolated..

she grew up in a Dysfunctional family and has no social life.

[Sophie_M]

Hey 24yearoldgirl,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you have shown your strength in reaching out here tonight to share your story. We are so sorry to hear about your situation. Please know that you are strong, valuable and you have a right to live free from abuse. We can hear how upset and isolated you are feeling at the moment, but please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space and our community is here to support you through this.

We would also strongly urge that you get in touch with our friends at 1800RESPECT. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely, supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice to people in your situation. You can contact them anytime on 1800 737 732 or through online chat at https://www.1800respect.org.au/ 
We'd also welcome you to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, as well as advice and referrals.

However if ever you feel unsafe, please contact triple zero and ask for the police.

We know it has taken courage for you to share your story here, so thank you for taking such a brave step. We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums and if you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you.



 

[Guest_1643]

hey and welcome to the forums!!
So many of us have ties to our families that bring us down, that's really difficult to hear you feel so isolated and alone

In a healthy relationship, the person wants you to be everything you can be - happy, connected to others, growing etc. The boundaries in this r/ship don't allow you to do this, so in some ways I do think your Mum is inappropriate.

Just want to tell you for what its worth, many many people here have gone through this (me included) and we are all here for you, and won't judge you, whatever you decide to do in this situation.

Hope you are doing well over this time and sending you strength!!

[Blake_S]

Hey there 24yearoldgirl,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, and thank you for having the strength and courage to post about what has been going on for you. I am also, so sorry to hear about the abuse you have suffered from your mother and your current situation. Please know that the forums are a safe place to express your feelings and tell your story, we are all here to support you.

I can imagine it has been a painful, distressing and difficult time for you, and it sounds like you've put your mother's respective wants before your own. As a fellow 24-year-old girl, I know how important supports are, and I'm so sorry that your mother has left you completely isolated. I hope that by posting on the forums, you can feel some sense of community and support, I know I feel this way.

I was wondering how you have been feeling since you last posted and how you are feeling about going to court to defend her from the dvo? I don't know the details about the dvo, but as Sophie_M said, you have the right to live free from abuse - so please, do use the above resources whenever you need. If you ever need to talk, we are always here for you.

I'm so glad you posted.

My thoughts are with you,
Blake_S

[24yearoldgirl]

Hi everyone, thank you all for your nice comments & info..

I’ve been busy lately with everything going on and also having some medical problems..

I’m trying to find a balance with everything now.. I’m taking each day as it comes and doing my best to look after myself as well..

There were a lot of times where I felt completely distressed, overwhelmed, and alone..

I know that it doesn’t help me to be negative all the time, so I’m trying to focus on healing myself now..

The court has agreed to cancel the 5 year domestic order against my mum, if we get some counselling..

Hope you’re all doing well in this pandemic/covid time..

Thanks again

[Guest_1643]

good luck with it all !

it's okay to feel upset about what has happened... i know negativity can be all consumed, but grief and pain are totally allowed, you've been through so much. Good luck with counselling and happy that you have some peace with the DVO being cancelled. Great news. Take care of yourself, please feel free to write anytime!

[24yearoldgirl]

Hey guys,

feeling a little overwhelmed..

the only counsellor available is $1000 for a certificate, to end the court order..

just had another huge fight with my mum last night.. she was literally filming me having a breakdown, saying she was going to exploit me to the link for not caring for her properly..
she thinks I’m a physco and something is wrong with me.. I’m actually becoming unhealthy..

Don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore, wondering whether it’s even worth going to the counselling appointment tomorrow.

always trying to do the right thing, and get better, than I get knocked back down again..

not sure whether to leave or stay

[Guest_1643]

hey !

I'm sorry i don't understand so well re the DV order- and the counselling - if you go to counselling they drop the charges agaist your mum? I'm really sorry it's on me as I don't know much about the system - i don't like the wya your mum spoke to you so much and put you in a position of feeling like its all your fault.

I wanted to share with you this video - does it apply to you?

https://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/video/1562351683575/things-gaslighters-say

[24yearoldgirl]

Hey, thanks again for your reply..

yes, if we get counselling, the court order is dropped.. the appointment is booked in for tomorrow, and already paid for, went halves on the money with mum..

don’t really want to go, but guess I have to now..

I had a chat with 1300 mental health team, and she recommended me to go my own way, and take a big leap of faith..

still not really sure what to do, have to stay around for this court case..

thanks for the video, it does sound like that.. she definitely has a lack of understanding why I’m upset, and does blame me a lot

I’ll keep y’all updated later,

peace out

[Guest_1643]

Hey,

proud of you for reaching out to the 1300 number. It's not easy to do. Sometimes I make excuses for not doing it, and leave it too late. I'm glad you found the strength to do so. So they were advising you not to go to the counselling?

I just want to let you know, you are supported here and will be heard and listened to whatever you do.
And don't worry too muc about the money paid for the counselling. Sometimes through this process unfortunately we do have to pay for things to keep safe at the time, or even for services we don't use...

the most improtant thing is what will help you - don't worry about the 500 dollars, just worry about what you need to do for you 🙂