Introduction - Hello Everyone

[Guest_498]

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum. I'd like to introduce myself. I'm 40 years of age, female. My interests include music (any genre), reading a great novel, watching comedy, Restuaranting, and learning new things. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Depression feels very lonely for me. I'd like to reach out for some support. Thank you.

[monkey_magic]

At the time it did make it easier because he was.... here's the word ..toxic. and wanted to control my life so without him I didn't have that toxic control and anger interjecting into my life.

We've had a lot of distance recently as well. I think about him but he just causes all this unecessary damage and I feel like I need to stay away again. So I do.

Kids...yes...I don't know either but I'm leaning more towards not having them. If I was rich and younger I'd probably have them but I'm not and nowadays by body has been stuffed from the drugs I'm pretty sure I couldnt have them.

I like how uncomplicated and independent my life is anyhow. It's what I know. If things worked out in my relationship I'm sure I'd be in a family unit but things didn't work out.

The way my life is now I do what I want when I want with no dependants. It suits me I think. But if I did do the whole family thing that prob would have suited me too...either way I'm cool with where I'm at. I prefer it if I'm honest.

[Guest_1643]

hey lovelies. I'm sending big hugs.

I'm sorry EM for the way you were treated by your family, what an isolating and hard time that must've been. Big hugs and thank you for sharing.

Seems that the car theme has resonated with some!!!

I'm also in my 30s and single... my last relationship ended when I was 31 and I've had nothing serious since then. It wasn't a good relationship... I do hope to meet someone and hope he's more stable -I felt that this man was very dependent on me and wanted me to fix him or something crazy. No. and no. and no x 10.

He was 3 years younger than me which felt ancient at the time when i was in my 30s and him in his 20s... but now I think that's literally nothing. (look at megan and harry lol - same age gap - not even relevant).

I think it's cool that you are both chill about relationships - not being needy is great because you can be healthy and happy and not rely on anyone else to fill you up. It's the ideal, really. I hope you are all well and I send you major beautiful hugs x

[ecomama]

Bluberry said:

Monkey, thanks for sharing about your dad. I understand. It is always difficult to live with irrational ppl like that. Did it make it easier for you to have lived without him for 7 years? For me, it was easier but it hurt me a lot too, just as it's doing right now. I'm hurting a lot. I did love my mum and what she did to me in the past 5 years now is nothing short of cruel.

Marriage is something I'm not opposed to either. I came close to marrying my ex (Spanish/Australian who put me through the court system 'coz I left him) but that didn't work out. If it happens great, but I'm not dy8ng to get married. Lol, the only reason I would want to is so I can change my surname. Its my father's and I want nothing to do with him.

As for kids, I honestly still don't know. ???

I still love my mum. This won't change. But the abuse had to. So NC until... maybe she is in a Nursing Home IDK.

Just change your name by Depol lol! It's far cheaper than getting married to do so!
About $395 to change the lot I think. I'll be doing that to a previous married name... the one my ACs have and their dad made a secret phonecall to me ages ago saying it was FINE by him that I kept his surname, in fact he was proud for me to have it. But in front of his wife, he'd say it's not okay but do as I want. He's happy with it all.

Just in relation to new relationships... the DV Course I did said to wait 2y before making any serious move with a new man. This will hopefully give you enough time to "see" what he's really like.

I wondered if I'd have children so by 25yo I decided I would have them or one on my own by 35yo.
Weird how things happened then. My first "batch" came in late 20s then second batch late 30s into my 40s. As long as you're healthy why not.
The medics carry on and carry on but I have all very healthy children, they carried on for NOTHING.

BUT in reflection I would foster instead or take children in for respite care. There's more Govt support and case workers involved... not everyone's cuppa LOL! Just mine.

Regardless ladies... our Musketeer group... nutters OUT! Agreed?? lol.

Love EM - I love youse allllll!

[Guest_498]

If I'm not married in 4 years time (duration of my studies & time I set myself), I will be doing exactly that. No point holding onto a family name when they're not family or a man youve never met. Apparently hes not a very nice person anyway. This trait Seems to run through the family.

[Guest_498]

So I got all teary and shed a little tear whilst relaxing and listening to music. After I cleaned up - I scrubbed the toilet and bathroom for my flatmate, I had lunch and decided to relax upstairs in bed. Put on Youtube and listened to 'take me away' by 4 strings (Glen Morrison mash-up version) and felt all nostalgic all of a sudden. You know that feeling when music just enters your bloodstream and does funny things to you? Well, it did exactly that and just triggered. I cried a bit. It takes me back to when I went dancing with my friends and would dance the night away until morning. I used to love this song (still do). I really did enjoy life - music, dance .. I was happy. Yes, I loved the nightlife and was once upon a time, a 'techno' bunny. Raves were the best though. Loved raving. I'm an adult now and I'm more depressed than ever. Life events due to family, t which caused my ptsd aint cool. I don't know why I'm even feeling this way.

Monkey, if you feel that your dad is starting to interfere again, please distant yourself. It would be best for your mental health. Yo're on your journey to recovering from the meds, you don't need the b.s as you do so.

Sleepy, I hear you about your ex and it not being a good relationship. Best you leave than to stay in a volatile one. Proud of you, chick.

[Guest_498]

I had my heart broken by my ex. It ended in December last year, just before Christmas. I loved him. He showed me a side to him that I never wanted to see, ever. He scared me so I broke up with him. We knew each other for about 15 years - coming and going in and out of each other's lives. We met when I was 23. He was a bit older. I had only fond memories of him. When we met, this man was THE man of my dreams. I mean literally. He was (still is) uber handsome. He was a player but I didn't mind that, coz so was I. I fell in lust BIG TIME. We both did. Things didn't work then so we parted ways.

We hooked up again in 2017 - he cheated on me. I left. Last year, we got together again. This time it was a bit more stable. The chemistry was still very much alive. But yeh, he showed a side to him I couldn't live with, so I broke up with him. I didn't want to marry someone with that temper. He didn't like that so caused problems for me and made accusations that weren't true and consequently ended up in the court system. The stupid police believed him. The case got thrown out. It was frivolous. He's left a bad taste in my mouth and we are now not even friends. I miss the good times. He was very sweet. He looked after me well in every way. Shame about his temper though. This side of him scared me then and scared me now. I still miss him sometimes.

[Guest_1643]

hi all

i can understand the pain Blubs of letting someone go and wow more so when he was in your life since you were young - a sort of bond forms and it is nice to have that support. But being scared.... i guess i know that too. Exhausting. trying to keep that monster from popping out.... as if you really could... i'm sorry for your pain at the end of the relationship. Glad you are stronger and can own your feelings.

Half the world is heart broken 😞

Lol I'd be doing the same scrubbing to make a nice space for the new housie... although your house sounds really really cosy and i'm sure he'll love it.

I love the look of white furnishings... so beautiful. hope he doesn't mess everything up. I don't know the music you were talking of that you were listening to... i'm very curious and will look it up!!

[ecomama]

Hi peeps

Sorry you were feeling melancholy today Blubes.

Sometimes it's really hard moving on. It's also a shock we don't want to believe when "the monster" comes out.

I know we all have our "bad sides" but some ppls bad sides take up all of them, others it's just there and too hard to live with.
I don't like my bfs "bad side"... he was triggering pretty heftily from his divorce when we first stayed with each other... if those moods stayed, I wouldn't. Fortunately we are great communicators and over time these have diminished to zero for him. He's not perfect lol but he is many other amazing things.

He has the best qualities of all my best partners put together but he's smarter than all of them put together and far more sensitive if he's not tired and it's not midnight lol.
I still don't have a clue HOW our future will look but it's pretty clear to us both that if the other is still alive, we can't think about a r/ship with another person. Bf has met my Uncle a few times and they really like each other. BF told Uncle yesterday that he can't wait to come out to see us all again. He also thanked him for working on my house lol... my Uncle had some light questions for me about how I'd protect my property assets "next time". Simple answer - I'm modelling after BFs father! lol "Family Trust".

I'm sorry for all the relationships that ended badly for all of you.
I'm also really sorry all of our parents weren't like monkey_magic's mum and my Uncle.

Your home sounds ultra chic Blubes! Pretty daring of you sharing with a mechanic lol.
I'm hopeful he will be respectful of your things.

I avoid white like the plague here! As you can imagine. The white floor tiles over most of the common areas are... always being washed!
Otherwise it's "utilitarian" decor lol! Pretty much like a farm house. Lots of antique heirloom furniture (all damaged by demon so need repairing). I bought lovely new kitchen appliances this year.
But what I'd really love is a "mud room". Depending upon my financial situation I might just do that. If the space needs to be "let out" then no. Or after I'm done with that then yes maybe lol.

I'd also LOVE an outdoor shower. BF is so keen on this plus a "hot tub" he calls them, we call them spas. We've picked out the spot.

Cabin before these.
Glass room lol before that - it's getting there.
A lot to be fixed up that I hope to do mostly myself using what paint & materials we have already.

Plus major work on my garden.

EMxxxx

[Guest_498]

Yes, white and children do not mix well. A shabby chic utilitarian farmhouse look is nice, too. I appreciate most decor tbh. I have a great appriciation for most.
I can't sleep right now, although I will try after this post ..
You sound so much in love Ems. You sau the nicest things about him, except his temper. I understand the temper thing but lucky I no longer havw to deal with it. My heart breaks that you cant be together. I think thats awful not being close to the love of your life. I don't know if I could wait that long. You need to do something about it to stay together. Im sure he loves you twice as much. Why wouldn't he? Youre sweet as.
Sleepy, yeh check out the music. You might or mightnt like i

[Guest_498]

Daring of me sharing with a mechanic? Lol. Well I do know hes respectful because the two times hes been here whenever I asked him to sit down, hed resfused and says "im dirty". All i can think of rn is smears of grease from hands on white walls, furniture etc. Oh lord. Na, hes respectful so should be ok.
Ok so cabin first then mud room (had to look that up, so american) and what the hell is a glass room?
Shame about heirlooms. It wouldve broken my heart.