Introduction - Hello Everyone

[Guest_498]

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum. I'd like to introduce myself. I'm 40 years of age, female. My interests include music (any genre), reading a great novel, watching comedy, Restuaranting, and learning new things. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Depression feels very lonely for me. I'd like to reach out for some support. Thank you.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Blubs and EM!!

How are you?

I haven't spoken to my parents for one year so am still new to this.
They still make attempts every so often and at the last one I told my mother I won't be being involved with them -

then her desperate attempt to make me feel owned - "But what if something happens to the car?"
"What if we need to get ahold of you - about the car?"

Lol can you imagine. It would be like an alien from a galaxy inhabited her body if she said something a little more normal like "But I really miss you. I care about you. I want to hear from you."
Lol nah. What about the car.

Sorry I'm not going to atone for the car every day - it's like if I have it I need to feel bad about it every day, like i'm in huge debt and not a truly independent person. Like i'm bad.

Why would a mother WANT her kid to feel bad all the time?
It's not even her car and it's not in excellent condition and they were goin to get rid of it. I'm glad I have it too 🙂 It took me a minute to realise that giving it bac to her wouldn't even make her happy or give cause for her to leave me alone. There's always something else and you can't really accomodate someone who is irrational and cruel.

SO you haven't spoken to your sister for 3 years? Has it been easier??

EM how are you feeling today re your son? Any news from him? xx

[Guest_498]

Being estranged from her hasn't caused me any upset and certainly I don't feel as if there's a void that is amiss from my life, for we weren't close to begin with. I dont miss her, I don't like her, I don't feel anything towards her tbh. Any 'kinship' feelings I once had have deminished and now completely theyre gone. I dont view her as family. In my early years of adulthood (early 20s), her arrogance and insolence toward me became immensely overbearring. I was left with no other choice than to distant myself. I will NOT atone for removing myself. Her manipulations started around this time - It continued from there. The extent and damage got even greater and more severe as time went on, especially in the last 5 years when I slowly started to put the pieces together and truly realised the game she was playing. She didnt like being caught out, so manipulated everyone around me to believe that I was 'crazy', claiming that my antidepressant meds attributted to my 'psychotic' behaviour. Lol.
So, has it been easier? HELL YEAH!! I feel as sense of freedom.
Xx

[ecomama]

Hi Sleepy, girls and Uncle lol

"The car" cheeses Sleepy the CAR? What about their precious daughter?

You are VERY precious btw. So are you Blubes & mocha and I know your mum knows you're precious monkey, that's awesome, we love you too. xxxx

I do NOT understand these people! The car.... dear God sounds JUST like son's situation.
"That" family can't wait to pick up son's car.

Alexa & the ACs have a running issue about "the caravan" same deal. My mother gave it to ALL of us apparently... my family including the ACs DON'T care lol!
But my brother's partner is crazy about it. She comes from a rich family who bought her everything and STILL do!

I didn't even know it was given to me too... I still don't care.

It's PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT. Or don't lol.

When we've come from abusive families, we just have to draw that boundary line.
It sucks but it has to be done for our own protection & to protect any value of our FUTURE.
Our quality of life, everything, needs to be built from scratch.
Our MH, our emotions, our connections... it's hard.

One year in is still very fresh Sleeps. 3y in is too Blubes.

I look back to that life & don't know how I did it.
The snap occurred when my neighbour the Sheriff had to call the Police after even he couldn't get her out of my home with her actual psychotic episode (not a made up one lol).
There I was... newborn multiple babies & the now ACs as children all held hostage.

Woah... heavy MH issues.

I survived. It was very hard on every level but every time I thought of her... I pictured that day & thought "NEVER again". Never again. Some days I thought of her 800 times I swear but it got less & less. Now I can go weeks without thinking of her & that family's hold on my emotions is... yeah "meh" whatevs. Nothing.

Hold strong to your views of YOUR future. Even your now. Make it whatever you want to make it.

Sure keep Grandad's car Sleepy. It was given to you. I agree, if it wasn't "the car" something else would be swept right in there to take the car's place.

Whatevs. Throw it on the pile! lol.

I texted my son good luck on his first day at the new school. He said Thanks! I decided not to ask him how it went... he's supposed to be coming home this weekend for (drumroll)... the CAR!

I swear if he didn't want something he wouldn't contact me. He's become way too much like "that" family. It's been 3y of infiltration lol. They're angry I wouldn't sign to be financially liable ... too bad. I won't fund a train wreck.

Love EM

[Guest_498]

Woohooo!! Sleepy, you should be so proud! I am! We did well! We are down to only 2 covid cases today with 0 deaths - we are on our way out baby!!!! I'm so happy I could cry.

The announcement this Sunday is going to be much better than what I thought it would be last week. And there'll be another announcement the following Sunday to further ease restrictions if the numbers stay low. Yay. Further, the 5 cases over a 2-week average will also be looked at and may change as well. Awesome, awesome.

Despite the cheap politicking from the LNP, we have to give full credit to our Premier for the hard work he's done to keep us safe - I stand with Dan - as he's brought cases that were in the high hundreds down to low 2 in such a short amount of time. It has been hard, but the strategy of 'go hard and do it tough' has paid dividends. I'm so proud to be a Victorian atm. We hung in there despite how hard it's been. Congratulations Sleepy.

France, Italy and U.K are now in their second wave lock-down as well. France has adopted our model of imposing a curfew. We've been praised internationally for our model and are influencing other countries to do the same. I'm so proud.

Love Blubes

[monkey_magic]

Hi everyone,

I've also had to cut off people in my life. I cut my dad off for 7 years once.

Drawing boundaries of what U will and won't accept by your actions really shows self worth, esteem, respect.
I believe we teach people how to treat us and by drawing a line says a lot. It's a shame a lot of people then don't look within and make changes, a small percentage do.

I too grew up with abuse and had it on and off throughout adulthood. Being single is such a relief for me because I've always seemed to find men that were dishonest and that I couldn't fully trust. My singleton life means I'm not getting hurt all the time and my emotions aren't so up and down. I like my singleton life. I am still open to love but in no hurry at all.

I think there's strength in all your words. You are all drawing the line. I've had to - I couldn't respect myself if I didn't.

[Guest_498]

Ems, Sleepy & Naughty Monkey,

How are you all today? Yes, Monkey the weather is warming up - I'm n to looking forward to those 40+ days, I dread them. I get really tired in the scorching heat.

Ems, how did you do it? With a lot of tenacity, love for yourself and your children, inner strength, the will to change your life, the optimism of creating a beautiful environment and future for you all. You're one tough cookie bbg.

The CAR ... the car ... jesus. That car is to make you feel indebted and bad about yourself - the control, holding you to THAT car, or something else in place of it, should you give it back. Returning it would not accommodate her happiness or give cause for her to leave you alone. It's about control. The caravan .. that caravan. Ems, let them fight for it amongst themselves, whatevs.

Monkey, 7 years is a long time away from your abusive father. I went 2 years without contact with my mum when I was 23 y.o. Have you ever been married before? I'm a singleton also, never married, no kids either. Never had I fantasized about marriage or changing nappies. Perhaps it might happen one day with the right person, but nah, never really entertained the idea.

[monkey_magic]

Blubes,

No haven't married. I've been in relationships but that's about it. So I'm currently 38, no kids, no partner. I like being independent. I'm not opposed to meeting the one and marrying but I don't think I'll have my own kids.
So I've got my family in my life ( dad, sometimes included these days lol). At the time I cut him off I was a teenager, he had put the whole family through a lot and was angry, irrational, threatening and continually begging for me to live with him and to bring my siblings with me when we had all decided to live with my mum. He was continually verbally abusive towards my mother and I couldn't take it anymore. I just thought of him as a bad, abusive man and lived my life without it. He calmed down in later years.

It was hot, now it's cooled down again yay. I also don't like the heat. I'll just crank the air-conditioning and stay in.

[ecomama]

HELLO VICTORIOUS VICTORIANS!

I got goose bumps when I read "I am so proud to be a Victorian". I'm so hopeless, I'm in tears writing this lol. Big hugs clever peeps.

YOU FREAKING DID IT.

I'm SO proud of all of you.

Son's is coming home tonight! lol.... paperwork to sign over to him. Tha CAR...

How did I do it?
Simple answer is I had no choice.
It was either protect my children OR have my mother in my life.
HORRIBLE choice but a VERY clear one to me.
After huge intervention by Police I know a DOCS (now FACS) notification would've been made because it WAS dangerous. Anyone could've seen that ....back then I just didn't realise that mother's abuse towards me (and witnessed by the kids) was DV.
Now called FV also.
Weeks later 2 extremely caring Police told me to go to the Station for an interview.
I had to go alone.
They "Counselled" me according to the Law about IF I had contact with mother again... and they read the Police reports from the attending officers and the jail.
I cried. They were very kind. But they would not keep coming to disturbances if it was MY choice to put myself and the children in danger... other actions would be taken.
That meant taking the kids off me.

I had NO IDEA at the time that going NC with my mother would mean that the entire other 39 adults and children would be NC with me!

It took me years of phoning them... leaving messages.... before I finally gave up.
So about 3y in was a deeper realisation that they had abandoned me because Police got involved.
I've missed every Wedding, Christening, Engagement Party and Birthday Party.
Before this every single birthday was celebrated together... we had this awesome Bday ritual & I was left out. My cousin invited me to hers, so most of the family didn't show up & she was scolded so badly that I retreated because I loved her.
EVERY time someone bought a different car, the family ritual was to drive to EVERYBODY'S house, show them & have a photo... no more visits. Zero. None.

I'd never been more alone in my life.

My depression deepened as the abuse of demon was saturating our lives at the same time.
We were poverty stricken by demon.

I found organic gardening to grow food for my family. I joined Community Groups & made connections. He refused to "let me" work.. I ended up working online 4 businesses to try to feed & clothe the kids. We all wore second hand clothes & I sewed our underwear back together.

TBC lol.

Love EM

PS: Did I tell you lately that I love you guys???

[Guest_498]

We love you heaps, Ems. Don't ever forget that. I'm getting a clearer picture of your past with the tidbits of your posts. That's a terrible story of your earlier life with your mum, family, and then demon. I'm glad you're rid of all these toxic, disgraceful ppl. I'm sorry they've put you through so much pain. Really am. You never deserved any of it. You were resourceful in joining community groups, churches, and made connections. Much awesomeness. These are the things Id like to do also after lockdown.

[Guest_498]

Monkey, thanks for sharing about your dad. I understand. It is always difficult to live with irrational ppl like that. Did it make it easier for you to have lived without him for 7 years? For me, it was easier but it hurt me a lot too, just as it's doing right now. I'm hurting a lot. I did love my mum and what she did to me in the past 5 years now is nothing short of cruel.

Marriage is something I'm not opposed to either. I came close to marrying my ex (Spanish/Australian who put me through the court system 'coz I left him) but that didn't work out. If it happens great, but I'm not dy8ng to get married. Lol, the only reason I would want to is so I can change my surname. Its my father's and I want nothing to do with him.

As for kids, I honestly still don't know. ???