Im losing the love of my life..

[MummaF]

I have made many mistakes over the past 12 months the biggest one being I did the worst thing possible in a relationship - being unfaithful. Something I will never forgive myself for. I have had to hold on to the guilt and the decision I made not to come forward and now I'm paying the consequences.

There has been 2 occasions and one I hoped I never had to relive. January this year I was taken advantage of by someone that I classed as a mate and although I'm his eyes I may have given him the wrong impression he forced himself on me and I had no control. Gut wrenching! I never did anything about it as I was so scared and while I have had break downs over it I just wanted to forget. I dealt with this mostly in silence.
Second time I made the wrong decision (my head cloudy with lots of alcohol and drugs) and I made a completely life changing decision and not in a good way. We were friends and agreed it wasn't to happen again. I have been holding onto this for nearly 6 months and I poured my heart out to my closest friends. But now it's come out and my partner has been told of my mistakes. I have hurt him so bad, he is so angry at me - swearing at me, saying I basically asked to be taken advantage of, telling me he hopes my girls never turn out like me etc. Iv lost him, and I have lost myself. I'm trying to fight for him and I'm making changes to prove I can be that girl again he loved so much. My partying ways distroyed our relationship but he was hanging on but now he can't anymore. He deserves to be angry and I deserve to cop what ever comes my way - I'm trying so hard to keep my head above water for my two beautiful girls and each day is a battle. How did I become this person and why have I hurt the one person that I truly love. And now I'm losing him.. I'm nothing without him by my side. I would give anything to try and make this work I really would 😞

[Guest_3256]

Hi MummaF.

I want you to know that there a two types of relationships: there are toxic relationships and there are loving/healthy relationships. Sometimes, we lose control of our attitudes and behaviours and we inflict pain and suffering onto others.

I want you to know that you are not alone, at all. Your story is about acceptance and change. When a partner betrays their spouse, it can inflict pain that runs deep into the core of the human spirit, impacting on their mental and physical wellness and can change the way they perceive things. Only if the betraying partner can be fully remorseful, open and honest to their hurting partner, things can be better for both parties - accept and resolve. 

I also want to clearly identify that you have the ability to change, we all have the choice to make the right decisions. This is about being a better person for yourself, learning to take responsibility and ownership of bad behaviours and living a healthy life as best you can. I must also advise infidelity impacts people in so many ways, causing hurt, grief, pain, suffering and mental health issues. 

Please understand and accept the reality of what has happened and seek the relevant support you need to improve your health and wellness. If one cannot grow/water their garden, it's not going to flourish.

[MummaF]

Wow it's been a while since I posted. It's been an emotional rollercoaster. 3 weeks ago my baby daddy moved out - the hardest thing I have had to go through and now only have my kids 50% of the time. It's kills me, my youngest took it hard and I had to listen to her scream my name over and over!

Everyday is different for me one day I'm positive and put one foot forward and then days like today I struggle to get out of bed. I have lost alot of people in my life because of my actions but I'm working really hard on myself. Still seeing my pyscologist and he also is seeing one now.

I miss him like crazy and would do anything to get him back. He left saying he doesn't know what will happen and after time apart if he felt it then he would be open to try again - I'm holding onto that small hope. And hope we can start over and maybe go back to the beginning and almost start dating again and getting back to a good place.

[MummaF]

I'm struggling, more then ever! It's been 4 months since since my girls father had moved out and everyday is a battle. Just last weekend I found out he is seeing someone - a girl that was apart of my life for nearly 20 years - she was my best friend my sister - she was there for all my huge milestones in my life - buying my first house, meeting my girls dad, our engagement, the birth of my children, i was even in her wedding and she was to be in mine. How do I cope? She is sleeping with the love of my life. I feel sick everyday, everytime I see him, everytime my girls hint at her name.. I'm not sleeping, I'm restless I have so much hatred inside of me. Noone thinks it's right but they think that there is nothing wrong with it.

I love him with every second of the day but I'm struggling to let go of him and the hope that one day we can be together again.