How to move on

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

I've not been around for a while. It has been quite an interesting year since May last year. I've struggled quite a bit with Complex PTSD, BPD Depression, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and grief.

Where to from here? I have been stuck for a while with little energy to move on and not much of an idea how to move on anyway. It is hard when my mind decides it wants to disconnect as that feels safer and then I wander through each day like a person in a movie set, just pretending. Empty. Distant.

Anyone else have trouble getting from one day to the next, waking up in the morning and wondering what on earth you are going to do with that day? At least at work I know I need to be there and have a rough idea what I am supposed to be doing!

I wrote more here and deleted it. I have reached out for help in so many places. Maybe I am just too broken to be fixed. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe I just need to be more grateful for all I do have and continue to stuff my issues down inside of me hoping they don't find a way to the surface anymore.

The last psychologist I saw told me I need to buy new curtains for the house, a comfortable chair to sit in and new pictures for the walls! Oh yes, that will certainly help with the CPTSD, BPD, Suicidal thoughts, past traumas and unresolved grief that all come uninvited to attack my mind. Why didn't I think of doing that earlier! I don't need a psychologist I need thousands of dollars and an interior designer!

How to move on? I am open to suggestions!

[Doolhof]

I need to practise "selecting my thoughts". I didn't do too well yesterday trying to keep hold of the positive thoughts when negatives seemed to rule.

I have allowed the disappointments of yesterday to cloud my evening last night, my night's sleep and this morning I am struggling to get past feeling glum!

Depression can be so debilitating, and can take over so quickly. I really need to find ways to get back on track and deal with this better. My resilience is low and the least little thing knocks me off my feet.

I'm so lonely it is horrible. I've tried to make friends since we moved here but none of the friendships have lasted.

My husband and I are both stressed out and struggle to talk civilly to each other most days.

Visitors at work often yell at me. I work alone in my area.

I'm surrounded by people but don't feel connected to anyone.

My mind struggles to find meaning and purpose in a life where I struggle from one moment to next to make sense out of my existence.

I'm finding it hard to pick myself up again.

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Doolhof,

Depression certainly seems very debilitating, and I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. I'm here for you if you'd like to chat about it.

Have you tried journaling? I found journaling to be very helpful when I wasn't feeling well myself.

In your journal, you can write as much as you want, without anyone judging you. You could list down three things that you're grateful for each time you journal, and how were you feeling that day. As you build your journal, you can then turn back the pages to see how far you've come. When you're feeling low, you can look at pages where you were feeling positive and happy to remind yourself that there are those days, and you won't have to feel like this forever. Vice versa when you're feeling better, look back at pages where you weren't feeling well, and work out a few ways to cope with those times.

I hope that may help you, always happy to listen to you Doolhof. You won't have to feel this way forever. Stay strong!

Jt

[Doolhof]

Hi Jt,

Thanks so much. I used to journal frequently. Thanks for the reminder, I will try to write out more of what is going on in my head, like you mentioned, including the thoughts I am struggling with incorporated with the helpful, the good and the positive.

I do have a gratitude journal I try to write in daily. Sometimes I skip a few days here and there.

Very rarely do I go back and read anything I have written previously. I can see how reading, assessing and taking note of how I managed to get through a situation is beneficial.

One thing that concerns me is just how quickly I can flip from I've got this to I'm drowning. Need to practise some deep breathing to slow the process down.

A couple of days ago I saw the Dr who did one of those Anxiety Depression and Stress questionnaires. My anxiety levels have decreased, the other 2 were still up in the severe range. Need to keep working on those.

Today I took off to the beach for awhile. I packed some lunch and a drink, had a nice walk and sat out of the wind to have my lunch. It was very peaceful.

My gratitude journal will have a few entries in it from today.

Thanks again for the encouragement. Hope you are doing okay and have many things to be grateful for as well.

Cheers from Doolhof.

[Doolhof]

Today I don't have anything listed in my diary.

I'm planning to do some art and craft, not sure what that will be yet. Usually I just end up doing housework, gardening and other stuff I feel I have to do and neglect the pleasurable and fun things in life.

Maybe I need to consider starting and especially completing task around the home and garden as being an achievement and not so much something I need to do.

It really is all a matter of perspective isn't it!

I need to keep reminding myself I can look at situations and moments in life in a different way that will make it more acceptable, pleasurable and beneficial.

Wishing you all a productive day. Cheers from Dools

[quirkywords]

Dools,

if I had nothing in my diary it would worry me so then I make a list or two lists.

I think that starting anything on days I am unmotivated is an achievement.

THanks for sharing your thoughts here, dools as they do help me and others reading,.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Dools..

Definitely doing house work, and gardening is an achievement...any little thing..even getting out of bed is an achievement when we are feeling so down...I have a thread title...”Small achievements you done today”...If you feel to read it, you’ll find some small achievements that people have done, when feeling down..it might help you a little...

Please precious lady..don’t neglect the pleasurable things that you like to do....If you have a lot to do today or nothing at all to do...it’s important to find the time for you...a lovely walk, a pot of tea with a pretty cup and saucer, while reading an interesting book, or having a pencil and paper, while watching the clouds change shape and sketching them on the paper....Haha, clouds can make funny shapes sometimes....or is it my drawing..😁

Craft is a lovely hobby...I have a small book box, that I bought years ago when I had a motivational moment..I was going to paint it..decorate it and use it to store some of my little treasures in....The motivational moment lasted until I got home...It’s still untouched sitting in my spare room on the book shelf 😂...

What kind of craft do you like doing?...I started a diamond painting a week ago..it’s time consuming and takes me out of my mind and onto the diamond painting..

I hope you find something nice to do for you today Dear Dools....

My kind thoughts precious lady with my care and a warm hug..

Grandy..

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky and All,

I'm going to try to return to the B.A.C.E. system of organising my days. I have the paper work on the table, so will actually start writing down ideas, suggestions and plans for how to fill in next weeks schedule.

It is important to me that I am flexible as well and don't tell myself I need to adhere to the schedule, I can improvise, improve it and enhance my planned activities.

Yesterday turned out to be an okay kind of a day, so no reason why today can't be the same or better!

One thing I desire to do is to find ways to change negative thoughts into ones that are more acceptable, complimentary or user friendly!

Cheers all from Dools.

[Doolhof]

Hi Dear Grandy,

Thanks for dropping by and for your suggestions. I think I have seen the thread you mentioned, it does sound well worth a read. It is easy to dismiss and discredit the value of the activities and tasks we do manage to achieve.

I realise I also need to appreciate doing a pleasurable activity for the sense of doing it. To find a sense of accomplishment in that as well, of joy and productivity maybe.

Yesterday I dabbled with some paints. I started to watch an editorial on you tube. The lady painted a picture, then painted over it again and again. I didn't think I had that much paint available to me! Ha. Ha.

My painting didn't turn out as I had desired. The process was fun though. I played around with some other paint and will use the pages I painted on in my scrapbook. If a painting is not as I had hoped, I then use a pen or texta other to highlight and enhance bits on it, or just doodle on parts of it.

I have a paint by numbers which is taking a really long time to get anywhere with! Some of the sections to paint are so tiny I need a magnifying glass to see the numbers on the spaces! Ha. Ha. It is a test of patience.

I have tried diamond painting and liked that. I'm just not sure what to do with the end product. I have a variety of unfinished projects in the cupboard. Maybe I could pull some of them out and complete them. I have some cross stitches in there as well and some quilting ideas.

Some days I need a small project I can complete to feel like I have achieved something.

Cheers all from Dools

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Dools,

Thank you for sharing. It seems like with each post you manage to tell us a few more positives that happened in your life. And you are so right: everything counts and taking baby steps can be as empowering as bigger jumps. I like the ideas of previous members: about writing a journal. I believe you mentioned you didn't go through what you'd written too often. How about making a dot of the colour of your choice next to each good thing that happened to you on a day? Hope the numbers of these 'positive' dots will start to grow for you.

Take care there!

[Doolhof]

Hi Learn to Fly,

I'd like to welcome you to the community here on the forum. Thank yo so much for dropping by and commenting.

I like your idea about using a dot to mark all the good things that happen.

In the past I have had a journal for all the hurtful and negative stuff and one for the more uplifting, for things to be thankful for and more positive thoughts.

I'm wondering if separating the thoughts that make me feel depressed and sad from those that are more encouraging, in some ways adds a greater negative undertone to those thoughts in turn making me feel less able to cope with stressor in life?

Maybe writing in the one journal may be beneficial so I don't separate thoughts so much and judge myself for the negatives.

Maybe I am just over analysing all of this!

Anyway, Learn to Fly, I really like your point about highlighting the good things in life!

Once again welcome, and I hope you are travelling okay in this journey of life.

Cheers to you from Dools