How to move on

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

I've not been around for a while. It has been quite an interesting year since May last year. I've struggled quite a bit with Complex PTSD, BPD Depression, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and grief.

Where to from here? I have been stuck for a while with little energy to move on and not much of an idea how to move on anyway. It is hard when my mind decides it wants to disconnect as that feels safer and then I wander through each day like a person in a movie set, just pretending. Empty. Distant.

Anyone else have trouble getting from one day to the next, waking up in the morning and wondering what on earth you are going to do with that day? At least at work I know I need to be there and have a rough idea what I am supposed to be doing!

I wrote more here and deleted it. I have reached out for help in so many places. Maybe I am just too broken to be fixed. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe I just need to be more grateful for all I do have and continue to stuff my issues down inside of me hoping they don't find a way to the surface anymore.

The last psychologist I saw told me I need to buy new curtains for the house, a comfortable chair to sit in and new pictures for the walls! Oh yes, that will certainly help with the CPTSD, BPD, Suicidal thoughts, past traumas and unresolved grief that all come uninvited to attack my mind. Why didn't I think of doing that earlier! I don't need a psychologist I need thousands of dollars and an interior designer!

How to move on? I am open to suggestions!

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

Anyone have any idea how you get from having a list of things to do to actually doing something on that list?

Yesterday I pulled out folders of information, techniques and strategies to use to help me move on. I read and read but still have trouble putting that stuff in action!

How do you get out of the rut and put techniques in place that are supposed to help you?

My today's list of things to do might be to scan some of the information I have and write down a few ideas I can try this week.

First, I will go for a walk or else I will still be sitting here for hours!

Cheers all from Dools

[Tess2]

Dear Doolhof,

that is exactly my problem. How to start? I am just lying here feeling sick of myself. I have a headache but can’t even be bothered taking anything

i want to feel like me again, but I just can’t move from this anxiety and feeling so low

tess

[Doolhof]

Hi Tess,

Sorry to read you are struggling so much and I am sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday. Not doing so good myself. So tired of my depression ruining so much of my life.

I try. I try to accept it. I try to fight it. I try to encourage myself to do stuff. I fall in a heap again. I don't know what the answers are.

I could write out a 10 page list of things that will help, but how the heck do you get from the list to putting those things in action?

Like you wrote Tess, how do you start?

I hope you were able to do something for your headache and you have managed to get rid of it.

Today I feel like going to bed for the whole day, running away or worse. Not sure what option I am going with yet!

Just wish I could get my mind out of this depressed and stuck state.

[Doolhof]

If I don't know what I am looking for anymore in life, how can I find it?

How do you discover a new sense of purpose and meaning when you lost that decades ago?

How do I change my depressed thoughts into something more positive when my mind seems to have lost all perspective of what a positive thought is let alone how to engage with one for longer than a second?

How do I get unstuck when the mind is exhausted and has no idea how to proceed?

[Coach Craig]

Hi there thanks for reaching out on our forum.

Sorry to hear that you are struggling, it is indeed to keep yourself motivated to do things when you are feeling low in mood.

Speak with the GP they are an amazing resource to assist you to find the right resource.

I also understand that reading is a hard thing to do when you are feeling low, have you thought of downloading an audible book, such as The Happiness Trap, I have seen it help so many people with the same or similar struggles that you are experiencing.

Continue to be your amazing self..

Coach Craig

[Aaronsis]

Hey Dools

I just wanted to jump in and reach out to you to remind you of a time a little while ago when you wrote some very similar feelings. I also want to remind you of the woman that is inside you that has fought this before and can do it again. I wanted to remind you of the weekends at the beach that you had that brought you so much joy. I think nature is a great way of helping us to find peace and happiness and I know you agree with this too.

Even if nothing else you can do on your list, spending some time outside, in the garden or if you can make it to some water, be it a lake or the beach in which you love, see if you can get that far. You will thank you for it.

Thinking of you Dools and also just wanting to remind you of the warrior that lay within you, she may just need a poke to be reminded it is her time to wake.

Hugs

Sarah

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Doolhof,

I would like to chime in to your discussion as well after reading the posts in this thread. Your struggles are very hard, and I could feel your desperation of wanting to get out of the state that you're currently in, and as you keep trying and trying, things only feels like it's going backwards. I'm really sorry that you're feeling this way at the moment...

The traumas that are brought from rude customers.... that's terrible... Customer service is already a really tough job, and it really sucks how people can treat staff members rudely just because they feel like they're entitled to it. What does it take for these entitled people to show a bit of kindness and respect, and help make the world a better place for everyone.

Your post on the 20th of May, regarding your last psychologist suggesting you to buy new curtains, a comfortable chair to sit, and new pictures for walls. Did you give that suggestion a go? I'm curious to know what did you think if you did make that change. While it might sound silly, I thought it sounds like an interesting suggestion by your psychologist. It helps bring change to the 'usual' environment that you're in, and your mind will have this sense of 'unfamiliarity' as you try to adjust yourself to the new sets of interior design.

If I may recommend 'The Art of not Trying by Lao Tzu', it is a very interesting read. There is an audio book version of it, as well as a video on YouTube about it. Don't be mislead by the title, the philosophy behind it is actually quite fascinating, and I feel it may be of assistance to you in figuring out a few things.

Please take care of yourself Doolhof, I'm always open to listen to your thoughts and any other things that you'd like to share.

Jt

[Doolhof]

Hi Coach Craig,

Thanks for your ideas and advice, I appreciate you dropping by.

Regarding Drs, I had a really helpful and supportive Dr a few years ago who unfortunately is not practising anymore. Since then I have been shuffled from one Dr to another. It is hard to receive continuity of care. One Dr told me as I had not presented myself to the hospital for care, there was nothing he could do to help me.

I have a copy of The Happiness Trap and multiple other self help books in the bookshelf that I have read. Maybe downloading the book might be helpful. I still need to work out how to move from stuck to motivated.

I know there are lots of tools I can use to help myself, I really hope I can activate myself to put these into practise.

Maybe I need to accept there are some moments where I am depressed and I need to sit with that for a while before I try to move on. I am so tired of being depressed, it is exhausting.

Thanks again for your suggestions.

Regards from Doolhof

[Doolhof]

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your encouraging and caring words. Yer, that warrior inside has gone into hibernation and does need a hearty push to wake up again! Thanks for that imagery.

I did go for a long walk today and did see water...when the rain came pouring down unexpectedly. I tried to take shelter under a very sparse bush!

I really wish I was able to implement stuff that I know helps. Well actually I did do that today when I went for a walk. Some days are just tough and I want a break from my mental health stuff now and then!

Cheers to you Sarah from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Jt,

Thanks for your comments and suggestions. I am certainly open to ideas, strategies and learning what has helped and assisted other people. I do know that many things have helped me in the past, just struggling to put them into action some days.

Regarding the psychologists suggestion about new items for the house, yes I can certainly see the advantage in doing such a thing and I like your perspective on that as well.

My issue with her suggestion is the fact I had been asking for help with dealing with deep unresolved grief, panic attacks, disconnection and other issues. At the time I couldn't see how new curtains and paintings would help me resolve those issues.

I did look in some second hand places for curtains and paintings I might be able to afford, so yes I did consider her suggestion. I changed some things around that I already had at home. I did try. It did not lift my spirits very much.

Maybe I need to work through my issues myself. I had hoped the psychologist could have offered suggestions on how to change my thinking, how to accept my grief especially, and how to work out how to accept who I am, how to move on when I feel so stuck.

Thanks for the suggestion of looking at "The Art of Not Trying". It may be very beneficial as I keep feeling like I need to fix myself as I feel like I am broken! I also know I am hard on myself at times.

I thank you too for your insight, comments, suggestions and ideas. Regards from Doolhof