How do I tell the psychiatrist? Help!

[TheBigBlue]

Hi All,

I’ve had about 3 appointments in person & 1 video call & 1 phone call during the initial Covid peak with a psychiatrist.

Now the psychiatrist is male, which makes me quite uncomfortable to discuss certain things. He knows there was sexual abuse when I was a child but I can’t tell him the full story. As the childhood incidents were with a male medical professional for a completely unrelated medical condition, I just feel like if I talk about it with a male I am planting the idea in other people’s head to do the same. And I’m already triggered before even going into each session because I literally relive the trauma every time I sit in a waiting room & I feel & experience all the things I felt as a terrified little girl sitting in the waiting room to see the evil doctor.

On top of that, I feel extreme shame about the whole thing & I worry my feelings are an overreaction & people will think I am stupid for feeling the way I do.

my psychologist is female & while it was difficult, I have been able to discuss with her all that happened. Last session with her I told how the psychiatrist was really confused because he didn’t have the whole story. The psychologist asked if I wanted her to write to him about the situation. I said yes & felt great relief, but asked that she did not copy in my entire medical team (like she has with her previous updates). Honestly, my endocrinologist & diabetes educator do not need to know this stuff. Then she got hesitant saying she could write just to him but couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t share the information with my medical team.

i can’t bring myself to tell him in person, so she suggested writing it down on a piece of paper, having him read it & then ask for the paper back. But honestly this terrifies me even more. Just thinking about sitting there in uncomfortable silence while he reads my letter sounds like the most excruciating, shameful & uncomfortable experience. I am burning with shame just thinking about it.

How do I bring up the courage to either tell him or write it down for him? I am terrified. Appointment is a week away but I’m freaked about it already.

😢

[TheBigBlue]

Hi All,

Things today went well with the psych. We had the usual chat about how things were going since our last session, any issues with meds etc. Then he asked if there was something else I wanted to discuss.

And I told him. I was still uncomfortable due to the anxiety in regards to - males, am I safe? will he think I’m overreacting? will it (abuse) happen again? (I have this bizarre fear if I talk about it with a male, the same thing will happen again).

The psych was appreciative that I told him & said he was glad I felt comfortable enough to tell him. I had also explained my fears about sharing this with a male doctor. He was incredibly supportive & I felt so much better telling someone. It also helped him to understand the things behind my trauma so it was definitely beneficial to share it with him.

It also helped him understand why I have issues with specific family members, why I can’t confront them, why I’m afraid to confront them etc

He even said that we would need another first just me & him, but we could discuss bringing in this family member & even if I wasn’t ready to go into the trauma side, we would decide what info he could/couldn’t share with them. He was happy to even have them attend just to explain to them about the anxiety & depression.

i felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. And I feel like I’ve turned a corner in regards to my trust in this male medical professional ie I think I DO feel safe with him.

Anyway, am feeling a bit like an emotional wreck tonight, but not just in a bad way. I’m glad I shared, but talking about it does have an emotional toll as well unfortunately.

oh, we even discussed who in my medical team he should include when he sends a review. So that is also one less stress as well.

Thanks for all your support here, it really helped me to consider aspects I may not have thought have. I’m glad I shared with him & im happy with the outcome.

[smallwolf]

Thank you for the update.

It was good to read that you felt supported by him. It took a lot of courage and vulnerability to open up to him about this and as you indicated get the help you are looking for.

Also, please know that if you want to chat more we are always about here.

All the best.